A MAN IN MY LIFE- I dont need a man in my life. I remember - TopicsExpress



          

A MAN IN MY LIFE- I dont need a man in my life. I remember thinking that shortly before separating from my first husband. I hesitated when it came time to write first because the word choice makes me feel like there should be a second. I dont know if there should be. I dont think I want anyone to promise to love me forever. What if Im not deserving? I wasnt always deserving as a wife. There were times I was so lacking that I despised my very soul as vile. I felt that way because he was so good to me, kind, until I could never be tender enough. You guys were just too competitive.... I stopped short to stand in wonder of understanding as my boyfriend chuckled and threw our groceries in the jeep. He was exactly right. My ex and I always tried to best each other, and I suppose that was part of the imbalance. A friends voice chimed in to echo affirmation, a memory shortly before we split. You really are too hard on yourself Amber. This isnt anyones fault. You are both amazing people. That doesnt mean you are amazing as a team. Maybe you will work better separately.... I dont need a man in my life. The thought was there years back and it came with the joy of knowing that I will never be lacking of love. Ive built a life full of my favorite things, a career that includes family, so many that I sometimes feel I know half the town. I am an OLY girl for sure. I am thankful for the volume of my heart because it holds. There is not a day that goes by that I dont spend time with people I care about. Most are clients and have been for years. Today Dani Hatcher will be joining my gym so she can train with me, and next week Lynn Sokol will be joining. I know Lynn from my first career as a waitress. Its been eighteen years and shes still with me in friendship, a friendship that came by my employment. I hope that Brenda Burnham is feeling the burn from our workout yesterday. I admitted to her that I feel pressure to win without fail as I train her because she was a photography client first, I cant express enough what an an honor it is that you joined. You not only joined, you booked me in advance for three months because I asked you to. I need that long to get you to the first success which will be more than measurable.... She smiled at me, her face flushed, sweat sticking to her hair. You will do just fine by me Amber. My heart continued, I always have... and you are right. I need a man in my life because I want one. Joshua Nicholas you asked me if I plan to go BALLS TO THE WALL with my photography business and I assure you I always have. I didnt build that business alone. I had help. Ricardo Garibay is and will always be one my best friends even though we dont talk anymore because its not appropriate. Im good with the way things ended because we left each other better instead of worse. I see life like this. Our families are fortified. I adore his new lady and her family, and you..... I wrote you that letter yesterday. I dont think you and I need to worry about our relationship because it will come together as we structure our lives. Maybe well just end up business partners? Maybe just friends? Doesnt really matter as long as we are both smiling. I am excited to see what we can do together as a team and I love that there is interest because I have a ton of really cool ideas. I have no idea if we are going to make it as a couple, but I do know we can work together now to see what we can create by joining forces. I like that idea a lot better than needing to slow down to breast feed, or shell out bucks on a poofy white dress. Ive got prom to pay for in a few years, and braces, and a car.... I need a new car. The mustang is going to put me in prison. I guess the point I am trying to make is that I am not trying to rush things, but I am most certainly trying to identify the players from the pawns because you dont know me very well yet. I have been going Balls To The Walls, with my business for years. The business side, the structure side, that part is not the greatest for romance. As long as your not a b*tch Amber... You have no idea how cold I can be. Sometimes I feel like ice and I need to be that way when there is no room for error and the client is my obligation. They will love me when men cant, or choose not to. Monique Wiedrich...Do you want to come to dinner tonight? I would love to introduce you to Averee Crews and Gina Young if they are still coming to eat. Im going to have to cook kind of late... 7:30 or 8:00 because Im a working girl BUT...Im cooking some healthy grub today so I can make a YouTube video to text to my clients. TyeRae Guined I am thinking of this morning dear friend and Tara Rene Jones seeing your face yesterday... it was exactly perfect, to the high of a coworker asking me, Ummmmmm did you just snort a line of coke before you came in here because you are jacked. YEP :) I snorted me some Tara! Kay Thurman Cinotto.... foam roll today and use that lacrosse ball on your shoulders and neck. If you come in I want 30 minutes invested in rehab. Do your physical therapy shoulder exercise too... PHOTO SHOOTS!!! This weekend is coming together. I have a TON of work to do!! :)
Posted on: Wed, 06 Nov 2013 15:09:35 +0000

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