All the horrendous, sometimes truly traumatic memories i have posted here. well, all that shit was what the pathworking was about. the hellish crap i could never get past, the hurt repeatedly revisited, which became for me the inability to present for me now. the looping and looping and looping- and even though i intellectually know how unhealthy this pattern was, i had no ability to move on. Until now-last 6-7 months. how am i moving on? well, to begin, the application of ruthless, person honesty. i was holding on because i didnt have anything else to hold onto to- that is what i believed was true. learning how to embrace me beyond that material has been the mandate and i have been stepping up. I am not nor will ever be a person who agrees to social conventions that feel sick to me. i accept this means, few people will end up close to me. This memory pathworking has shown me that even when i was being incredibly stupid and at times not worth the sperm, it took to make me, my desire to do better was and is genuine.
Posted on: Sat, 05 Jul 2014 06:47:46 +0000
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