And now an excerpt from my travel memoirs, Not Without A Condom, only £8.99, all good booksellers. ...during my time among the Nouveau Riche tribes of the Southern Coast, I met a man who claimed a most curious power. It was said that he could summon rain from the heavens within the hour! Naturally sceptical, I asked for a demonstration. This seemed to offend his troupe; apparently, it was a grave offence to darken the skies during Peak Season. Eventually, however, they relented and agreed to showcase this awesome power. I was ushered into a small, brightly lit room. Rudimentary tiles were stuck to the walls in no apparent fashion, and the tribe kept much of their food in chests there. The sorceror approached a gleaming white box he referred to as Zah-noo-see, and opened a hatch on the front. His joints audibly cracked and popped as he knelt down to minister to this strange device. He rummaged around in it - and one can only imagine what sinister depths lurked within - and withdraw a damp bundle. He flicked it around in the air a few times with a noise with a wall being hit with a sack of gravel, and then flourished something whose name I didnt quite catch, but my have been Emandess. This hideous agglomeration of cloth was taken outside and crucified on a worn-looking rack of some kind. Within moments of this crotch-smelling item being strung up, the skies opened and we were washed away in a monsoon. Six thousand people died. The End.
Posted on: Fri, 18 Jul 2014 19:05:19 +0000
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