Are You Vulnerable to an Emotional Hijacking? by Scott Wilson All leaders must beware of insecurity, self-loathing and other forms of emotional hijacking. One thing I’ve learned from being a pastor for many years is that so many people are vulnerable to emotional hijacking. Even pastors and leaders in the church, the ones who you would expect to “have it all together,” can often be the most prone to attack—insecure, self-loathing and emotionally in trouble. This is not a problem limited to new believers, or nonbelievers. This is a problem that impacts leaders and influencers all over the world, every day. The enemy knows who to attack, and where to attack. He knows your weak spots, the places you’ve left vulnerable. So, I thought I would share several things I’ve discovered that leave us all susceptible to emotional hijackings, if we fall into their trap. Your are vulnerable to an emotional hijacking when: 1. You compare yourself to others. It’s so easy to fall into this trap. As a leader, it’s tempting to get caught up in numbers and growth and programs and what “everyone else” is doing. We start to lose sight of what God called us to do because we’re so busy looking at what we think will make us successful or popular. But God makes it very clear in scripture whom we are supposed to follow—and it’s not the guy next door, or the church down the street. It’s Him. Who are you following? When you compare your ministry to other ministries, or your own achievements, successes or perceived failures to others, you will come up empty-handed every time. It will make you feel worse, not better. It will never end. You can’t win. The enemy will get inside your head and convince you that you’re a failure and you’re doing the wrong thing. 2. Your personal expectations are not in line with God’s expectations. We expect life to be easy. We want God to call us to a place that will be “perfect” for us, and then for everything to happen smoothly and simply. But have you ever considered that this expectation for life might not be in line with God’s expectation for you? Growth is painful. It means facing the truth about yourself, submitting to God and trusting that He knows what He is doing. When you feel life is unfair, ask God to speak to you … to remind you that He is with you and that He has everything under control. When we align our expectations with God’s expectations, He makes even our most painful seasons fruitful. The process you’re facing in your life right now—whatever that looks like for you—might be difficult and long, but it’s preparing you for God’s plan and purpose. Don’t let the enemy tell you otherwise. 3. Your identity is wrapped up in what you do, not who you are in Christ. If you allow yourself to think that your worth is determined by what you do or don’t do—the quality of a message you deliver on Sunday, the success of your kids in school, your ability to convince a certain friend to come to church—you are going to live on a roller coaster of emotional ups and downs. When “things” are going well, you’ll feel OK. But the minute things don’t go your way, you’ll feel like a failure. It is only when your identity is firmly rooted in Christ—that you were made in His image, that He loves you deeply and wants what is good for you, and that nothing you do (or fail to do) can change that—that you’ll be able to experience freedom from your successes and failures. Until your identity is in Christ, you’re vulnerable to an emotional hijacking. 4. Your definition of success is anything less than full obedience to Christ. If you are tracking your success based on the number of people who show up on a Sunday morning or how many promotions you get at work or what people say about your house, or your clothes, or your car, you will either feel deflated or puffed up. Neither is good! Instead, define your success by how obedient you’re being to what God has asked you to do. Success is all about obedience to Christ. How can you know what God is asking you to do? Joshua 1:8 (NIV) says, “This book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” Read your Bible. Pray. Get quiet with God. Listen, and He will give you the wisdom you’re asking for. 5. You don’t have friends who will rejoice and mourn with you. Romans 12:15 (NIV) says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn.” So much of the time, we mourn with those who rejoice, and rejoice over those who mourn. How sick is that? If we are constantly comparing ourselves to others, and making life a competition, we’ll find ourselves caught in this trap. But true, lasting, life-giving friendship is born out of a space where we mourn with those who mourn, and rejoice with those who rejoice. And with this hedge of protection around us—with friends who are willing to help us carry the weight of grief and joy—we’re much less likely to fall victim to emotional attack. Like I mentioned in my last post, many of us are leaving ourselves vulnerable to emotional hijackings without even realizing it. This is not a problem limited to new Christians or non-Christians. This is a problem plaguing leaders and pastors and people of all kinds. 6. You don’t have a trusted coach to “define” reality for you. I remember feeling so depressed and wondering what was wrong with me, and my counselor said, “You really don’t see it? Your friend died, and you’re grieving his death. This is normal. You can’t do anything to rush it.” I honestly hadn’t connected the two, but I felt relieved by his words. Sometimes, we can’t see our reality in an objective way because we’re simply too close to it. That’s why we need to have someone we trust to help us define our reality for us, when we’re in the thick of it, so we don’t get lost in the fog. If you don’t have someone like this in your life, you need to find someone. Give them permission to speak the truth to you in love. 7. You think people are the machinery to accomplish the vision, rather than the vision itself. In the early part of my ministry, I used to think people were getting in my way. If they would just do what I say, work harder, serve more and be more committed, we would grow this thing. I was frustrated that they were holding me back from success. But then I felt God tell me: “I didn’t call you to be a general. I called you to be a shepherd.” I realized my attitude was all wrong. People weren’t in the way of my vision. People were the vision. And when I started to find my joy in the growth of the people, rather than in what they could accomplish for me, it changed everything. No longer was my “success” dependent on people being obedient to my wishes. My joy was dependent on helping people turn toward Jesus and become obedient to Him. 8. You think every complaint is a personal attack. Proverbs 26:5-6 (NIV) says, “Better is an open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” If you think about it, complaints can actually work in your favor if you allow them to. You just have to be able to distinguish between two kinds of complaints—complaints from friends, and complaints from enemies. The distinction is really simple. Friends have your best interest in mind. Enemies have their own best interest in mind. When you receive a complaint from a “friend,” (someone who is putting others before themselves), their complaint will make you better if you open your heart to receive it. This is not a personal attack. It’s not about you at all. But you have to be able to look at the circumstances objectively. If you think every complaint that comes your way is a personal attack, you’ll never take the opportunity God is giving you to grow. And, in that sense, you’re allowing the ways of the enemy to win. 9. You think the fourth command is optional: Sabbath! Taking a day off is different than a Sabbath. A day off is a day to do what you have to do around the house, and a Sabbath is a day to renew yourself. Most of us have two-day weekends, so why don’t we do both? Why don’t we disconnect and replenish ourselves? The Sabbath is a ‘tithing’ of your time, and its not optional. God commands us to do it. Israel was the only nation who had this Sabbath law, and it caused them to stand out among the nations. Everyone was in awe of their prosperity and believed it must be God who provided for them in abundance. The same thing has happened in the modern age with Chick-fil-a. Are you willing to trust God that He will cause the work of your hand to multiply in six days, more than could be done in seven? Guard yourself against the emotional attacks of the enemy by taking good care of yourself and taking a Sabbath. 10. You gain your value from what you do, not training others to do it. A great leader values raising others up to replace himself. His focus is on multiplying his ministry, not for his own sake, but so that it isn’t about him at all. A great leader is a hero-maker, a dream-releaser. He mans the spotlight, rather than demanding it be on him. If you gain your worth from what you do, what happens when the day comes when you can’t do stuff anymore? There is no success without succession. Don’t let the end of your ministry be you. churchleaders/pastors/pastor-articles/170995-scott-wilson-you-vulnerable-to-an-emotional-hijacking.html?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=clnewsletter&utm_content=CL+Daily+20131110
Posted on: Sun, 10 Nov 2013 21:59:41 +0000
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