At times of change, many children can feel less secure and more stressed. And when a child feels insecure and stressed, anything and everything can be harder for them to handle. Sadness about saying goodbye to mum or dad when taken to school or the sadness of ending a play date can evoke deeper feelings of grief relating to the bigger changes a foot. I remember a friend telling me about his daughter being completely beside herself with grief and distress because when they went back to the library to get her card she’d left there earlier but the library was closed. The same girl’s mother had died a couple of years earlier, little losses touched on big feelings of grief for her, and every cry was a part of her grieving process (when she felt supported). Listening lovingly to all these feelings strengthens a child. Change always involves the letting go of how things have been to one extent or another. The stress of change can manifest in different ways for different children. Many children become extra clingy and seek out more hugs, more stories before bed and more attention in general. It’s also not unusual for children to regress at such times. The four year old who has long since potty trained might have a few accidents. The three year old whose been happily sleeping in their own bed wants to sleep with her parent/s. Big boy or girl voices disintegrate into high pitched whining. The seven year old pushes her friends when she gets angry. You can particularly expect an increase in defiance or even aggression at times of extra stress relating to changes. It’s important to express the limits that reflect that we can’t allow destructive behaviour, but it doesn’t help their behaviour or their emotional wellbeing if we’re harsh or punitive. Even when we express limits or remind them of the tasks at hand, it’s our empathy and understanding of the big feelings that are driving their tendency to be oppositional which allows them to feel safe and secure and ultimately to move through the difficult feelings that change brings. Because the child who has some smouldering feelings relating to anticipated or recent change is less likely to identify and express their feelings eloquently and more likely to show those feelings in generally anti-social behaviour, it’s very important that we give them extra emotional warmth and support at these times rather than becoming overly focused on the their grumpy demeanour. It can help to remember that children don’t want to make our already stressful load even greater by making life difficult for us, they simply can’t manage big feelings without our emotional support. Change can make a child very grumpy and parents can feel like they’re walking on egg shells avoiding giving requests or corrections in the hope of avoiding meltdowns. But in fact what often brings the child relief is when we stop trying to appease them and we control our urge to over-react to them, but instead hold any particular limit like “no” to t.v., sugary food, visiting friends, whatever they’ve become fixated on, then give our full attention as the inevitable meltdown allows their grumpy feelings to start to spill out. (Click to read full article) ~ Genevieve
Posted on: Mon, 22 Dec 2014 07:50:27 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015