Bayside Eagles vs SQR Cavaliers After the Bolsheviks sniped us out of a win down in Slack’s Creek, we limped home to a fixture with the Cavaliers, so aptly named being Cavalier with everything to with football, be it the rules, tactics or even sportsmanship on occasion. They’ve been less of a nuisance this year, and we’re glad to have started to beat them and end their giant-killing ways. We returned to the hallowed turf of the Main Field, after a few weeks on hiatus as they repaired the field by mowing it a couple of times. Excitement reigned. Our coach Paul Allan Price was so excited he arrived late. But he had some bad news: Our valiant goalkeeper, Bodacious “Jumping is for amateurs” Bodie had missed his connecting flight back from Bali as they searched his Boogie Board for contraband. As such we had a reshuffle, and possibly due to a word from Ryan Shea, anxious about his scoring record being under threat the Fuzz of Foot was relegated to handle the rubber gloves. This gave him a rather open view of the field and proceedings. Fresh from our Red Death we reacted well as per usual, and inside 5 mins our now stress-free Ryan opened the scoring with some sort of shot or other. He never regaled us with tales so I’m assuming it went in via his knee. What passed next was some of the best short passing I’ve seen since the Beenleigh game as we made the Cavaliers canter around the park like a cat chasing a laser pointer. Or a Burgess stalking a mobile ice-cream vendor. It is worth noting the versatility of the Eagles as not only did we field our 6th different keeper this season, Daniel Burgess managed to find himself on the Right Wing, and much to the surprise of the team and their left back, looked rather good. I swear I saw a step-over, a twirl (Taking after Matt Price’s example vs Park Ridge obviously, but that’s another story for a different day) and even a cart-wheel. Clearly his ageing 19year old body couldn’t handle such acrobatic endeavours, and he turned his ankle after a spectacular pirouette and pliee. To his credit, despite the pain he tried valiantly to chase the ball down, much like a three-legged dog after a tennis ball. He has more spine than the boneless chicken at his favourite chicken place, Red Rooster. It took us a while to score the next goal while we toyed with both their emotions and their fitness, and despite some sketchy goalkeeping from the Fuzz we didn’t allow them into the game. Two quick goals before half-time and we were up 3-0, Ryan adding another with his shinbone (right) and missing a clear-cut chance for the hat-trick by shooting at the keeper, despite the opportunity to fumble the ball in with his left foot. Really, any contact would’ve sufficed. Yasu-San booted in the other goal, I couldn’t see it either but I’m sure it looked intentional. This is where the calm sea breeze and the midges from the creek start to calm our motivation and sap our concentration. Through no actual force of their own doing, Cavaliers thrust themselves back into the game by our sheer complacency and refusal to man mark players. They scored from a throw in as we watched one of their less-athletic (that’s saying something) dribbled past his marker and thumped it in while everyone looked at each other in amazement. Up until then, our midfield maestro Paul “Minecaft” Sciberras, who’d been a rock, took control of us naughty children and reminded us how fun it is to keep the bloody ball. We settled down but unfortunately we picked up a few injuries as well. Matt Price, perhaps knowing his imminent conscription to the ADF to fight America’s War on Brown People, ran roughshod over Greybeard Fahey to take possibly his last ever corner. He was so enthusiastic he took out half the grass and hurt his knee as the ball soared out into Andrew Street. We settled the game soon after as Ryan popped another in the far corner, missed another sitter when a left-footed pass would’ve done well, and Kamikaze Kenji, who taught us the fine angles and protocol of Japanese greeting post-game, sneaked in a goal at the end. With us 6-1 up and Cavaliers dead and buried, the standout moment in the match occurred. Ryan Shea, with 4 goals already and no left foot, perhaps fearing more ridicule, slipped the ball (with his left!) to a perfectly placed Matty Price, unmarked, uninhibited and with the goal at his mercy. His first touch was perfect, the ball taking the slightest deviation to his right to set up a chance to bury the ball and receive an instant England call-up. There was not a single defender for miles and the keeper was still dumbstruck by Ryan’s left foot. It was as if time stood still… What happened next will haunt my nightmares for years to come. In the space of four seconds, the unimaginable took place. Matt Price, with the spotlight on him, took his perfect ball and I’m not sure in what order this happened (still suffering PTSD), fell over, hurt his knee again, got up, shot directly at the keeper, dropped his glasses, took another shot at the keeper, fell over a stupefied defender, picked up his glasses, took another shot at the (now unconscious) keeper, and after thumb-wrestling his way past all of them with the net gaping like a fish, managed to scuff the ball out for a throw-in. Their keeper was in bad shape, covered in bruises and cuts, according to Joel Edmonds, who shared a shower with him after the game. I cannot confirm whether a Dutch Rudder was involved. Tim Broome, our noble Captain, will address his troops tonight so make sure you’re there. I will bring the tissues and Ryan will bring the toilet paper, we’ve got a heap of shit to get out. #TotalFootball
Posted on: Mon, 30 Jun 2014 07:48:18 +0000
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