Best blog ever! Yes, its true that, in a marriage, we must love our spouses in spite of their flaws. Its also true that we all have flaws. But its ALSO true that only an infantile, spoiled, egotistical brat would ever treat a loved one with her worst and expect them to deal with it because her best will somehow compensate for it. Newsflash: Its not OK to be selfish, impatient, and out of control. These traits, while common, are UNacceptable. They should not be accepted, least of all by the people you claim to love. The onus is on YOU to change your behavior and your attitude, not on them to handle it. Are you such a gem that they should thank God for the opportunity to be emotionally abused by you, if only it earns them a chance to bask in the glow of your superiority? Perhaps thats how you see it, but Ive never met anyone quite that charming. This philosophy is poison, and it stretches beyond one offensive quote from a 20th century Playboy Bunny. Often I read or hear people whine that they just want to find someone who will accept them, no matter what. But being accepted should not be our relationship goal. Healthy relationships are loving, but also challenging, edifying, and even occasionally painful. Accept. Definition: to receive with approval or favor, to agree or consent to. Should our selfishness, impatience, and weakness preclude us from being loved? No. But should these traits be accepted? Should they be received with approval or favor? Should our loved ones consent to them? No. Big no. Enormous, loud, screaming no. Should we scoff at our husbands or wives or boyfriends or girlfriends and flippantly tell them to handle it, as we behave in ways that will hurt and offend them? No. And if you think that -- if you REALLY think that -- then you shouldnt be getting into relationships at all. You arent ready. Further, does our best (which probably isnt as great as we imagine it to be) make up for, or negate, our worst? No. Your worst is your worst. Fix it. Be better. Nobody should have to put up with it. Least of all the people you love. Love is a transformative force, and if you want to experience it you better be ready to change in every way imaginable. My wife does not accept me, and thank God for that. She challenges me. She makes me better. In other words, she loves me. What kind of a pathetic and dreary goal is that, anyway -- just wanting to be accepted, tolerated, put up with? Thats not why were put on this planet. Life is not about gaining acceptance. Life is change. It is not static and stagnant, do you really want your relationships to be? We dont emerge into the world as eternally entitled princes and princesses. We come into it as naked, crying, helpless babies. Our job is to grow out of that condition. And that will take a lot of changing and a lot of learning about what parts of us are unsuitable and insufficient and unacceptable. Sadly, some of us are unwilling to endure that process, so we never grow, and in failing to grow we fail to live. Its a tragedy. Dont ask anyone to accept the bad parts of you. Instead, strive to improve those parts. Put in the effort. Make yourself worthy of the love theyve offered you. Forget what you learned in elementary school. The only participation trophy youre awarded from life is death. Thats the one thing we all get just for showing up. In the meantime, if you want something better, you have to earn it. That means if you want better relationships, you have to earn them, too. Matt Walsh writes regularly at themattwalshblog.
Posted on: Wed, 29 Jan 2014 10:00:11 +0000
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