*CAMPUS LIFE* EPISODE 5 My life had been filled with controversies this past few days. It was time to invest my time in something meaningful. Something that would fetch me good cash at the end of the day. Mr and Mrs fresher sounded like the best investment at the moment. musa so how e go be na? i dey interested o. i told musa. Not that i was that handsome, it was based on my charisma. No wahala na, the form na 2k. 2k!!!!!!!!!! even if i were to be turned upside down and shaken, i wont produce up to #500. No worry i go find the money.I started to practice faith. wetin be the first prize? oboy na flat screen TV o. Plus the babes wey go start to trip. Count me in bro. I shouted. That first prize na me get am. I concluded. See person wey dey talk. You and Taiwo, who fine pass? Ask your sister. No be she no wan let me rest? I joked. If my sister bring person like you come house, na hot water i go use pursue two of una. I wasnt in the mood for an argument, i just left the jobless boy and went straight to my room. As if the sleep had been waiting for me to come as it just eloped me. ***************************** Morning came faster than i expected. It was time to start preparing for lectures. I quickly brushed my teeth and took my bath. I prepared a solution of garium sulfide garnished with Arachis hypogaea(make the name no deceive you o,na garri and groundnut) and drank peacefully. I trekked to the lecture complex, thanks to my Igede gene. It is public belief that the Igede people of benue state are good trekers. My grandfather had told me a story of how the igede people migrated from the niger delta area to settle in Benue state. According to him, Our forefather had gone to fetch water with the royal calabash, and had mistakingly broke it. His father, who happens to be the king wasnt happy with him. The crowned prince (my forefathers step brother) however, took it personal. He asked for that calabash to be produced and refused to collect a new one. The issue had aggravated and my forefather and his BABES had to trek all the way from niger delta to benue. I swear, God help them say dem no pass benue. If not for that conflict, i would have been a niger delta boy. I would have been spending my oil money. The president would have been my brother. I would have had the exclusive right to say dat there would be bloodshed if Mr. x doesnt win election. Brothers and sisters, it pays to be a niger deltan. Igede boy!!! musa hailed me when he saw me. Thats the name he calls me when he sees me treking. He would always tell me that benue was minority in nigeria and igede was minority in benue. Chai!!!!! i don suffer. Even my secondary school teacher once said that the Igede race was represented by a dot on the nigerian map and that the whole igede citizens wouldnt be able to completely fill an 18-sitter bus. Can you imagine anyways, i trekked happily to the class. ************************** When i reached my lecture hall, everybody was busy gisting in small groups. As soon as i reached, all eyes started staring at me. I nearly missed my steps but i summoned courage and move towards my course rep. Oboy whatsup na, this one wey everybody dey look me hope say i no sh¡t for trouser? Oboy, the gist wey dey class now be say na you dey move with that hot chick, Vivian. What was he talking about? i was suprised. who come bring that kind news na? i asked him Na Vivian herself o, she tell her friends naim the news spray. UAM sha!! The news was disturbing. Vivian was on the wanted list of most guys on campus and if this latest development hit the ears of some guys, then what happened yesterday would just be a tip of the iceberg. All the lecturers were saying that day was just gibberish. Vivians case was the only thing on my mind. i decided i was going to meet her at the end of the class. After wasting my precious time, the lectures were through for the day. Vivian picked her books and left the class. I ran after her. hey sweetheart, whatsup? she had said immediatelly i catched up with her. Vivian, i think you are mixing things up. You and i are just friends. So after what we did ,we are still just friends? Vivian asked. Ive told all my friends that Ive found love and you are here telling me rubbish. You can tell them that you caught me cheating, or that i wasnt good in bed. Anything, but lets end whatever this is. She let out a loud laugh and finally said, you know the last one is true. You dont even deserve me, am out of here. she left me standing there suprised. Thank God i finally Got rid of her, i said to myself. I went to the bus stop and boarded a bus back home. Driver easy o, dis your speed too much o. A lady behind me was complaining. No fear, na 32years be dis wey i don dey drive and i never get accident. The driver replied feeling like James bond. An okada man was also following us with a break neck speed. The okada man tried to overtake and the next i heard was Jesus!! Jesus!! from every corner of the bus. Our driver had knock down the okada man. We all went out to see the okadaman seriously bleeding. His passenger was a girl and she was lying as if she was dead. A clearer look at the girl showed that it was Vivian. A large crowd had gathered, what for is still a misery to me. The accident victims that were supposed to be given proper ventilation where almost choking due to the large crowd that had surrounded them. Abeg make person give them mouth-to-mouth na. Oboy, no be your girlfriend? go give her mouth-to-mouth na. A guy was telling me. Giving vivian mouth-to-mouth artificial respiration wasnt a big deal. I would have willingly done it. The only problem at that moment was that, after giving the artificial respiration to vivian, the group would expect me to extend the favour to the okada man. I didnt know the microbial occupants of the okadamans oral cavity, and to be sincere with you, i didnt want to know. The sound of the syrene brought me back to reality. For once, those guys in the school clinic would have something critical to treat and not to conduct some useless tests on urine and poo. The accident victims were transported to the school clinic courtesy of the Ambulance. Our self acclaimed expert driver with 32years driving experience was visibly shocked. I wasnt going to enter the bus of a driver who hasnt recovered from emotional guilt. I was also an expert trekker with 18years trekking experience. I had to exhibit my God giving talent. The sun was scorching hot. The distance didnt help matters. I was at the north core of the federal university of agriculture while my house was located at the south core. The distance from north core to south core when using a bus is equivalent to the distance from lagos to borno state. The distance on foot is equivalent to the distance from the north pole to the south pole of the globe. The school clinic on the other hand, is located at the middlecore, a shorter distance compared to the south core. I decided to pay vivian a compulsory visit. I was going to wait for her till she regains conciousness. I strolled to the school clinic. Immediatelly i got there, she regained her conciousness. Where am i? what happened?? what am i doing here Na wa o, which one i go come answer na? Anyways, you where involved in a minor accident and was brought to the school clinic. That silly bikeman!! is he also in the clinic? This girl wasnt even bothered about her state of health, she was asking for a bikeman, or is she planning to slap him as she slapped the other guy? Imagine that silly man o, i warned him to ride slowly but he told me hed been riding his bike for 15years without accident. why is everybody so obsessed with numbers na? The bikeman said the bus driver was driving as if he owned the road so he wanted to overtake him. After explaining vividly to me as if she wanted me to sieze the bikemans license, she asked me to take her home. **************************** We stopped another bike and she directed him to her house. Vivians room was the definition of my dream room. She had a large bed at one corner, a reading table and chair, a television and a dvd set. The room was painted pink. Whats with girls and pink Vivian was very tired, she took her bath and fell straight to the bed and before i could say jack, she was already sleeping. Oboy see opportunity to steal na. A two headed monster spoke to me. It was the same monster that had advised me to go with musas plan. I ignored it as the good boy that i am and started watching some boring nigerian movies. **************************** Vivian woke up almost two hours later, i checked my phone and it was just a quarter past four. I had gotten almost 6 missed calls from cynthia. I had silenced my phone when receiving lectures. I made a mental note to call her when i get home. Vivian offered to escort me. She was feeling pains and had to lean on me for support. Immediately we stepped out of her room, i saw cynthia coming towards us. My eyes popped as her gaze caught mine. Why was cynthia always at the wrong place at the wrong time?? I tried asking google but it seems even the almighty google had no answers to that question. I could feel the look of dissapointment in her eyes. And her mind telling her all the evil things we would have done in that room. But for once, i had a clear conscience. I ran towards her while vivian was limping and shouting kelvin whats the problem? Is something wrong? Are you running mad She probably didnt know i had a girlfriend. Cynthia wasnt my coursemate so our relationship was somewhat covert and classified. When i finally caught up with her i was breathing heavily. Hey, u didnt tell me your friend lived here, Cynthia said sounding sarcastic. Yeah, i didnt even know untill today. She had an accident and i brought her home. At this point, vivian had reached our position. Vivian, this is Cynthia my girlfriend. Cynthia, meet my coursemate . I did a brief introduction. Any girl with half a brain would know that i had just given them place value. They grudgingly shook hands. An aura of hostility swept into the arena. The both girls where quite. Cynthia lets go home na, i broke the silence. Okay na, lets go. It was really nice meeting you, Cynthia said to Vivian. Cynthia said she didnt feel like going to my house so i just escorted her to the hostel. **************************** I reached home feeling exhausted so i just reached for my bed and slept. I woke up some hours later, precisely 6:05. I went to philips house only to find him and musa treating themselves to a sumptuous meal. I gladly joined them. The meal was irresistible. Even the aroma could quench your hunger. Last time i ate such meal was when i went home to beg for money. I didnt waste time as i grabbed a large chunk of meat. I forgot philip was a Tiv man, that was my greatest mistake. You can play with a Tiv man but never play with his meat. A Tiv man could set fire in his room just to catch a rat that had mistakingly entered. My Tiv brothers abeg na joke i dey joke o. Immediately i grabbed the meat, philip rushed me as if he was running after a cheetah. I didnt dissapoint as i took him on a running spree. Philip chased me as if his life depended on the meat. Me,on the other hand wanted to practise usain bolts victory dance so i continued my 100meters relay. We ran round the neighbourhood like Aki and paw paw. Eyes where already staring at the two university students who where showing the whole campus that they where not worthy of their admission. I was expertly biting the meat while running. I was begining to feel thirsty, but no pain, no gain. I accelerated and then started moving with constant velocity. I didnt see the big stone in front of me, i just triped and fell. My face landed on the stagnant water that had been there since i got into the school. Philip stopped chasing me and i started laughing. That two headed monster was telling me i think you been dey thirsty na, u don drink water, just make sure say u bath philip. I scooped the water with my hands and poured it on philip. He was so annoyed as he picked up a stone and start round 2. Nothing is as fearful as having an angry man chase you with a weapon in his hands. There is this group of people we call Old timers when playing cashew. I swear if you no play cashew then u didnt grow up in the streets. Philip had earned himself a name as an Old timer so when he was chasing me with a stone in his hands, my hands where busy trying to protect my head. My head was so big so my hands where not doing enough in protecting my head. I ran straight towards philips room, musa was already standing outside watching the drama. I took a quick turn to enter the room, just then, philip trew the stone. Musa who was busy laughing at my running style( cos i was running like an antelope) didnt see the stone but as a sharp guy with eyes behind my head, i quickly bent down. Musa was still laughing when the stone located his forehead. A kulu quickly formed on his forehead. NB: kulu means a protusion of a particular bodypart. Dont know the language sha. Musas laugh turned into a frown. He quickly ran into the room and started looking for something. My dull brain told me that he was looking for ice to reduce his kulu. Mumu, u keep ice block for inside your room? I asked in suprise. Just then, philip came into the room. Wetin this mumu dey find na? Philip added salt to injury. Dont worry, when i find am you go know, musa answered. After searching the whole kitchen, musa finally saw what he was looking for. A sharp knife was in his hands. I immediately rushed him and grabbed him from behind. Walahi, if you no leave me i go shook you this knife, musa threatened. Oboy drop knife o, dem no dey use knife play o, i sarted preaching caution. Dem dey use stone play? Musa asked. At this point, musa wasnt concentrating on the knife. Philip kicked the knife away from musas hand. I was so impressed that i left musa and started clapping for philip. Kai, oboy you pass jack bauer, i complemented philip. The next thing i saw was a well calculated headbutt on philips lips. A red watery liquid started gushing out of philips lips, i wasnt sure if it was blood or zobo. NB: zobo is a locally produced red wine. Well, it is a wine for someone like me who hasnt tasted wine. Haba musa, see as you don spoil philip fine face wey him wan use contest for mr. fresher. At the mention of mr.fresher, philips face lit up in excitement. Ehen,kelvin i hear say you ma wan contest. Yes na, na only you like better thing? I asked him. Abeg o, no be rice them dey share there o because i know say na hunger dey carry you go there. Philip started his usual silly advices. Seriously, you know say if two of us contest, e go increase the chances of bringing the prize to this group. Na true o, only say your house no get light so wetin you wan use television do na? Truely, i didnt have light in my room. The light had ended in mikes room. The landlord had told me to pay money to connect light but i didnt care since my only electronic was My phone. No worry, i go sell the TV use the money buy brain for you, !!! But who be your manager na? I asked philip Oboy na Vivian o, philip replied. Which Vivian? Your Vivian na. Only one feeling came into my heart. JEALOUSY!!!!!!!!! WATCHOUT FOR EPISODE 6
Posted on: Tue, 05 Aug 2014 21:04:34 +0000