Group Input Needed: Update and advice, please: I am not sure what to think right now and perhaps still in shock. I have posted previously about my case – ex has temporary custody of our child since last November and lives 80 miles away. At the last hearing in August I was awarded overnights, only to have those taken away and time decreased before they even started due to ex reporting child has night terrors. We have a review hearing this Thursday, and I wasn’t even sure what to think going in to it. GAL on our case has been very difficult to read, as has been child’s individual therapist, who is the person GAL listens to most. Well, GAL’s report was filed today and it just so happens it was written as her final report and included her final recommendation! Not expecting that at all. Keep in mind I currently have visitation e/o Saturday, no overnights. GAL’s final recommendation is that ex and I share joint legal and physical custody, BUT ex have primary residential custody (again, he lives 80 miles away – he is unemployed there, and his now-fiancee moved four hours away from her family and friends to be with him and she works two jobs to support the household). Therapist reported to GAL that child and I have a lot of work to do together. GAL recommends my parenting time for now be every other weekend from Saturday at 9:00 a.m. to Sunday at 1:00 p.m (starting this Saturday!). She said she hopes to see this increase to full weekends, significant holiday time, shared time over school breaks, and extended time in the summer – once we reach a good point in therapy. I’m assuming that means the therapists get to decide when time increases. GAL also recommends ex and I working with a Parenting Consultant – not sure what they do? My question is, even though GAL recommends in her report that ex keep residential how does joint physical even work when we’re 80 miles away? Ideally he would move back to my area of the state, where he lived previously for over 10 years and has a MUCH better chance of employment, so that we could share residential (I have a secure job and a quickly developing career). His fiancée would be closer to her family, and he has friends here and our daughter was raised here until he moved last year before getting temp custody. I have so many thoughts right now and initially was very upset with this – but am trying to remain positive because it’s GREAT that GAL didn’t recommend he have sole anything, and that we have joint. I just can’t bear the thought of my child living with him the rest of her life, though - the alienation attempts have already been horrible enough, Im sure theyd continue. He presented himself in his call to the GAL that he doesnt want anymore mudslinging, that the coparenting class we are both ordered to take (he finished his last week, my session starts tomorrow) was life changing and made me release all of my anger - I am not angry anymore. Funny, because he told me the class was just ok, and some of the stories are good. He is great at putting on a show, but his actions and words never match. Another thing that was in the report is that her therapist wrote that I was ‘insistent’ on having our child call me on certain nights, and stated I made my daughter call me even on the nights I was able to see her for swimming lessons or when I volunteered in her class. I have never forced my daughter to call me, I’ve only been following the court order! The calls are agreed upon each week with the ex and added to the OFW calendar, and Im always flexible with time changes. On the nights I see my daughter on weeknights, I’ve never also made her keep our scheduled phone call, Im not that needy and dont expect my daughter to have to call me when Im about to see her – I’m really mad therapist said that. It’s never happened. Therapist recommended that I no longer make the plans to visit my daughter for lessons or activities, and that I have to be invited by my 8-yr-old daughter instead! Also, phone calls should no longer be part of the court order and child should be able to contact me when SHE wants – I cannot initiate first contact. I am appalled at this. This means that my child will never call me, because a huge, huge problem is that her dad is not supportive of her relationship with me and has never been encouraging of her initiating contact. I know other moms here understand what I am going through – the hard work I’ve put in is being portrayed as being too insistent, I’m too pushy, I’m forcing myself into my daughter’s life and therefore she feels she has to accommodate me…this is all how the ex perceives things. Before last November, I had sole physical custody of her since she was 2. I have simply been following the court order and I’d really like to have a few words with daughter’s therapist (who I’ve regretted taking my daughter to for a very long time anyway). All in all, can I still fight for residential? My lawyer said she’ll think it over for the next few days and perhaps suggest mediation and if he won’t agree to things then we can still go to trial. I’m not sure if I’m in a good place here to continue fighting? So confused.
Posted on: Mon, 04 Nov 2013 22:19:25 +0000
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