HAD TO SHARE.... Sometimes one has to reflect on ones actions and re-evaluate ones self in order to become a better person, I have not always been a saint nor do i ever claim to be, I have had my battles with my demons, trust, relationships, family, and friends. In the past year of my life I have been betrayed, broken, tattered, worn, down and out, and yet i always tried to find light at the end of the tunnel, I thought at one point I had my shit together to only find out I was wrong. I to have broken, betrayed, and wore down the people in my life. One can not move forward until they let go of the past, I have held onto the past for one reason or another and it has cost me a lot over the years. I have to learn to love myself before I can love anyone or expect anyone to love me. I am thankful for those that are in my daily life and I appreciate them for sticking by my side through this journey, I am thankful that I have a best friend that has helped me see the light and finally grasp and wrap my brain around things that went wrong. I have tried to control each and every aspect of my life in the past and one can not control everything, especially a person. Whom one talks to is whom they talk to it is not my place to say they can or cant, things are going to happen regardless of anything I do or say to a person. I realize now that I was wrong and truly hope one day many of those that I have hurt or mistreated in anyway can extend forgiveness for I am not perfect but I am human, I have feelings just as the next does. To those that actually matter to me I am deeply sorry for taking advantage of, trying to control things or dictate things. I am sad because I have hurt each of you in many different ways. I tend to over react and not think logically, or let negative thinking cloud the positive and the good in what was or what is. I have many things I need to see through and to fix within myself, but one step at a time, one day at a time and I will get there. It is time I let go of the past and focus on the present, time I let go of things to gain a better me, time to let go of the negative and what others have done to me just as much if not more what i did to them. Many aspects of this process are hard to swallow because bottom line no one wants to admit they have failed or were wrong. The time is now here for me to let all this go and look forward to a better and brighter future. No more hurting the ones I love or hold near and dear, no more hiding, no more blaming, no more betrayal, no more negative. To those that know my journey and what its about I thank each of you for sticking by my side and supporting me in this, I also thank you for helping me see the wickedness of my ways and showing me the proper way to play the cards of life. And for one person in particular I will not mention any names, I love you more then words will ever say, more then my actions will ever show, you are truly the best and I am glad you are my friend before anything else. I thank you for showing me the way that i other wise might have not found had it not been for you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and with all that I am each and everyone of you that is going to be there by my side through this journey you all mean the world to me and have given me a reason to trust again.
Posted on: Sun, 19 Jan 2014 22:01:04 +0000
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