Hey guys! So, since the release of Brutal Precious is delayed, Im going to go ahead and post some teasers to tide you guys over, instead!! :D Heres one. Enjoy!! Regardless of how big my ass is, it won’t be big enough to crush Nameless’ huge fat head. Also, I would not touch him with any body part that is not spiked and or doused in black mamba venom. Now that he’s going to my school, I have to devise ways in which to rid myself of him sans homicide. Maybe, like, a fortuitous black hole. But first, I have to throw a tantrum. It’s an area in which I have great experience . “Do I even wanna know what you’re doing?” Yvette looks down as I attach myself to her leg the second she walks in the room. I whimper attractively. “I’m taking the time to revisit your ‘drop out of college in the first year’ plan.” “Oh, stop,” Yvette throws her laptop bag on her bed. She drags her feet to her desk. “While you’re down there, untie my shoes for me.” “Like I was saying,” I untie with gusto. “I recently discovered someone I really don’t like goes here.” “That dude you were talking with the other night? Model McFartington?” “Have I called him that? That sounds like something I would say.” “You say it a lot. In your sleep.” “Yvette!” I wail. “It’s not Model McFartington. There is another person on my shitlist. Model McFartington is on the shitlist, also, but he is not number one, and also he’s got a bunch of red squiggly lines through his name, because sometimes I take him off the list and sometimes I add him back on.” Yvette raises one studded eyebrow. “It’s complicated,” I summarize. “Let’s drop out.” “No,” she says simply. “WhhHHHYY?” I inquire delicately. “We gotta experience the whole nine yards of college agony before we drop out. We have to black out drink a bunch and swear off men forever and fail a bunch of classes and try cocaine. That’s at least seven months worth of work right there.” “Says who.” “Says every poignant coming of age movie ever.” “Ugh!” I let go of her foot and roll under my bed. I see a moldy dick carved into the wood mattress slats and immediately roll back out. “Ugh.” “Look, I’m sorry about this dude, okay? Or…two dudes, or whatever you have going on. Point them out to me and I’ll sock them so hard they’ll vomit up what’s left of their souls. But right now, I gotta finish this Chem essay or I’m screwed. Metaphorically. I haven’t actually gotten screwed in a while.” These are her famous last words, because when I go to get dinner and come back full of burrito and knock for her to let me in there is groaning emanating from the door and I hear Yvette demand for something ‘harder’. I trip over a dust particle with alarming grace as I make my way to calmer waters. Jack opens his door with sleep-mussed hair and no shirt and it’s then I realize these waters are about as calm as people who win free cars on Oprah. “My roommate’s being gross so I live here now,” I say as I push past him. “You can’t,” he points out. “They said that to Columbus too, and look what happened there.” I flop on his bed. I know it’s his because it’s perfectly made, covers just a little wrinkly from sleep. His roommate’s bed is a mercifully empty nest of messy blankets. Jack pulls a shirt on and yawns, sitting beside me. “You’ve got sleep boogers,” I point at his eyes. He rubs them vigorously. “You can stay here if you want,” He says, still rubbing one eye. It is a drastically human, vulnerable motion I’ve never seen him do before. “But I’m leaving in fifteen minutes.” “You look like a little kid,” I laugh. “With eye problems.” “Shut up,” He growls, and rubs harder. His cheeks are sleep-flushed and his hair sticks up every which way. “Still got a duck’s butt for a hairstyle, huh?” “Still got the most infantile insults for a defense mechanism, huh?” “At least it is not an animal’s backside.” “The sounds are similar.”
Posted on: Mon, 14 Jul 2014 05:44:57 +0000
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