Hilarious thoughts by a tall Brit. Alerts to threats in 2013 Europe by John Cleese , British writer, actor and tall person The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from Miffed to Peeved. Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to Irritated or even A Bit Cross. The English have not been A Bit Cross since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from Tiresome to A Bloody Nuisance. The last time the British issued a Bloody Nuisance warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. The Scots have raised their threat level from Pissed Off to Lets get the Bastards. They dont have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Collaborate and Surrender. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the countrys military capability. Italy has increased the alert level from Shout Loudly and Excitedly to Elaborate Military Posturing. Two more levels remain: Ineffective Combat Operations and Change Sides. The Germans have increased their alert state from Disdainful Arrogance to Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs. They also have two higher levels: Invade a Neighbour and Lose. Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from No worries to Shell be right, Mate. Two more escalation levels remain: Crikey! I think well need to cancel the barbie this weekend! and The barbie is cancelled. So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level. Regards, John Cleese , British writer, actor and tall person And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.
Posted on: Sat, 16 Nov 2013 09:57:18 +0000
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