I cannot believe that my mother is gone. My rock, my shoulder, my conscious, my soldier, my heart, my provider, my role model, & most of all, my best friend! Its so unbearable to deal with at times. Yet, the fact of the matter is that, she was in so much pain and she held on and fought for so long trying to please US. as she did so many times before putting her family before her own needs. I regret not going to see her on Saturday, when I got a message from her, after checking in to see how she was doing. she replied, I am not okay Ill let you know. I should have followed my heart and went down there. but I feared the worst, that I was going to watch her die as Ive seen in my nightmares the past week or so. I wish I would have been there more. if it wasnt as far I would have been over there every day holding my mommys hand, rubbing her feet, anything, & I mean ANYTHING, she wanted me to do. how hard it is to look back and count all the what ifs.. I just want my mommy back! who am I going to run to with all my problems? she would always tell me the attitude free way to deal with people knowing that I have so much attitude. Im really struggling right now in my faith. And I question God as to why? why did He have to take my mother? she never hurt anybody! she was the best person in the world.. why couldnt you take one of these sickos? or one of these murderers? Why such a beautiful soul? if he left more beautiful souls on this earth, it would be a much better place here. I still cant believe it. I still DONT WANT TO believe it. I wake up and I think shes just down at Grandmas, Ill see her this weekend... but shes not and I will NEVER see her again. I will never see her beautiful face ever again. I will never hear her contagious laugh. I will never be able to wrap my arms around her and tell her that I love her so much, EVER AGAIN.. now, how do I face the world?
Posted on: Tue, 16 Dec 2014 16:48:11 +0000
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