I feel like throwing up ._. I hate this >.< I feel like an idiot, I put my all into it for nothing. People exist just to continuously build me up and tear me down again. I dont think I ever want to date any one ever again ._. Id rather be alone for the rest of my life. Id rather shoot myself in the face. I feel weak and pathetic, I feel stupid and let down. It shouldnt have ever happened, it all just becomes a memory and I become just nobody, like I never existed, slowly fade out of her world without a thought about it. I never thought I could find someone so perfect for me, able to put up with my stupid shit and bad jokes and I never thought thatd I lose that person either. Now Im back to posting statuses of my mind like anyone cares as if fb is a journal. Ive never felt like this before, I didnt think it was possible too be so sad you feel like puking. I never care about anything, I stay composed and calm, but I let myself out of my shell and now Im soft and squishy and it hurts. I feel like I got punched in the stomach ._. I dont want to even get up I just want to lay here forever and slowly fade off. I feel like my life just paused, I had all my hope into it and now I understand what heartbreak is, for the first time in Freddys life someone broke through my exterior and exposed my fleshy little shriveled heart, then punched it. Shes the shit, shes completely amazing in every way possible and I love the shit out of her >.< Freddy loves. Now just back in the friend zone like nothing hapoened, just another person with no importance, just a friend. I wonder if our friendship will go back to how it was. Probably not, Im just going to be old news now and shell go fourth into happiness and I wont be a part of her life in anyway. But I hope she finds happiness, I hope she gets what she wants in life. Its just sad that we failed, but Im blind anyways I cant do anything for her, shell do better than me. I have to get used to being alone again without someone to share my mind wiith and corny jokes. Somebody else will get to enjoy making her laugh, someone else will get to hold her and make her feel safe and loved. Someone else will get too enjoy the cute funny things she does. I loved everything about her, I never seen one flaw in her structure, and too me she is the most beautiful thing that natures ever created. You find beauty in waterfalls and the deep blue sky and the sound of the wind, and I found beauty in watching her smile, and hearing her laugh. Too be the one to bring her those laughs and talk to about her day as a part in her life was the best feeling Ive ever felt. I always wondered whatd itd be like to date Liz, I always had a crush on her and I got my chance and it was amazing and I thought it wouldnt ever end and I hoped it wouldnt, I would do anything for that woman. I wouldnt ever do anything to make that smile a frown, I wouldnt ever want to be the one to bring a tear to her face so I hope everyone she meets and comes into her life will treat her the same or better. Sorry fb, Im venting
Posted on: Sun, 04 Jan 2015 03:51:53 +0000
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