I have been having lots of memories come back from my younger years when things were good and when things were bad. Just out of the blue flashes and short scripts that come and go. I have been putting those pieces together, remembering what happened, why it happened and how it happened. Just lots of little things that adds up over time when not talked about. I come to realization that I totally changed for the last relationship that I had, stopped belly laughing, stopped dressing nice, stopped wearing make up, stopped being happy, stopped talking to guy friends, stopped hanging out with my friends-I just stopped being me. Anywhere I went I had to give and exact description of where I went, how long, who I was with, what I was doing and why. This all started when I was a teenager and I learned to cope, adjusted and it became normal. Today I know it is not normal to be totally controlled, manipulated and emotionally conned. When I look at it, I have to see it through both sides of the coin, where the other person came from, where they learned it and where I learned to be such a damn coward and just give in. That is the part, I just gave in and I was so damn tough before that. It goes to show energy influence, brainwashing and just being with a person over a length of time you become them whether they are good or bad. Then I looked within, what was it that made me just give in, what was my upbringing and what did I bring to the table? So be aware when taking on any relationship, get to know their past, how their up bringing was, how their parents were because that is exactly what you are taking on. Dont ever think you can save them, change them or help them. It will get them so far and if they choose not to face their own past and heal from it, all that they learned will repeat itself. There is no night in shining armor, there is no the one...there is only you, if you want an awesome relationship, heal your own past, become your own best friend, get to know you inside and out, learn clear communication, be blunt with self, tell it like it is to self and all that you want in a relationship-do it for you first. Once you are there, once all the great qualities you want in a person is in you, you will have it and then you will see it in others. You cannot see what you do not have. You can only see what you have. Once there you will see through cons, lies and manipulation. You will know who is genuine and who is not. When you have ended a relationship, walk alone for one full year, heal yourself, dont ignore the shit you walked away from, talk about it, write about it and get rid of it. Our own voices and the act of writing gets rid of the energy stored inside. Be clean and re-empower yourself, learn and do new things, learn about healthy relationships, learn everything you need to know to be confident within and to love yourself. Then you can have a relationship if you choose to. Your past is your past, if you have dealt with it all on your own, understand it, forgive, cleared it out and let it go. Leave it there because if it continually comes up in the new relationship-like a broken record, it will put a whole lot of unnecessary negative emotions into something that is new-where it does not belong. I have chosen to walk alone, gone through a lot in my life and have personally chosen to just be me, free, no attachments and no more bs. When alone I can be me
Posted on: Sun, 30 Nov 2014 04:15:26 +0000
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