I have something very painful to share. I post this in the spirit - TopicsExpress



          

I have something very painful to share. I post this in the spirit of New Years resolutions, though I have been preparing this for years. This is for my children and I hope it benefits and helps someone out there in need. I apologize if there are any typos or other problems. I have been frantically typing and thinking for hours. I was sitting in a quiet moment last night on New Year’s Eve, when there shouldn’t have been a quiet moment….. and began deeply thinking about where my life is and more importantly, where it is headed. You see, I’ve been living below my abilities. Way below my experiences and knowledge. Afraid to play full out. Living in fear from things I couldn’t control. Acting like a victim because of things that happened or were done to me. Things that really didn’t matter. I let them matter when they shouldn’t have. I have let these fears and pains deter me from being and becoming the man that I could and should be. And I’ve allowed this to happen for years. I had a pretty amazing life going there for a while. 15 years plus! A great and supportive family, lots of incredible friends and a faith in God. (While it lacked enough depth, was still incredible) I had amazing real estate companies, many employees, worldly success, money, possessions, many real estate properties and much more. I had so much to be thankful for and then it happened…… Through some very painful and difficult things, about 6 year ago, my life was turned upside down and in many ways it was destroyed. When the economy crashed, my little empire, as well as it was built, crashed down around me. I sat there in awe. I couldn’t believe that it could happen. I felt powerless to stop it. I had so much and was so well structured. The economy, the mortgage markets, the real estate market, others’ inabilities to make good on so many promises and debts owed to me and my companies, even nature…..acts of God, all seemed to conspire against me. Me, my companies, in some ways my family, my portfolio and my life were toppled and came down. It was excruciatingly painful and difficult. What I had created, that with which I had associated my identity, my reputation and much more were destroyed. I learned a lot about human nature…..some very sad realities and some amazing, faith-promoting and awe-inspiring things. All those amazing people that were around me, that had loved me, benefitted from my success, basked in the light of what was created and accomplished, supported me and wanted to be a part of my success had a huge choice to make. Stand by me, a man that had built these things over 15 years or turn away/against me. I was sadly shocked to see how many people, even those closest to me, those that had promised to love and support me, that knew me well, turn against me. By one after the other I was thrown away, lied to, lied about, defamed, slandered, threatened, investigated, fined, sued, divorced, foreclosed upon, abandoned, beat down, mocked, and attacked. People that I would love eternally. Immediate family members. Men I loved like my brothers. One after the other. And I have to tell you, my destruction was as glorious as it was thorough. All that I had built came crumbling down. And if it sounds like I am blaming someone or something else, I have to tell you the real fault in all of this was my own doing. My success brought over-confidence, arrogance, pride and disdain. More than one of those people that cheered my destruction and mocked me while it happened quoted to me, “Pride cometh before the fall.” And sadly, they were so right. I was smart enough not to miss the signs of what was coming with the economic crash and I truly believe that it was my overwhelming pride that blinded me from seeing it and correcting course. I knew so much about real estate and I really believe that my arrogance about what I had created and the hubris surrounding my activities blinded me to the crushing blow that became a world-wide certainty. I believe that not only was my fall my own fault, but I believe that God allowed it to happen….even aided in the destruction. As my life was destroyed, I felt like I had been abandoned by those that should have been there to love and support me. People that knew who I really was. I remember crying out asking the Lord where He was too. Begging to know where He had gone and how He could let this happen to me. I had done so many good things. I had helped people, given so much. How did I deserve this? How could He let this happen to me. And after a while, it became clear that not only had He allowed this to happen, He had a big hand in it too. I was inspired to know in my pain that while I had done some good things during my years of success, I needed a course correction. That all I was doing, wasn’t nearly enough. There was more I needed to accomplish and that I wouldn’t be able to do it with my pride and arrogance in the way. I needed to be broken so that I could be rebuilt. I needed to have most of those people turn on me so that there would almost literally be only one place I could look for help and guidance. UP! And honestly, while not everyone most did. Some took the road less traveled and helped me through the pain. They were so few though. In some ways, I owe them my life. Quite literally. And I needed to be left alone and given little help because I had to really look at myself and decide what kind of man I wanted to be. We all do. And if we choose not to change, these painful teaching cycles occur again. There were a few people that helped then, that I literally revere now as angels. God sent me angels. A small handful stayed with love and support. More than I probably deserved. I vividly remember a few times where I was low enough that I cried out in pain to God, “This is my last day. I can’t continue any further. I am done.” And the phone would ring, an email would ding on my phone, or someone would knock on my door again and again. Just enough to make it through. You see, God let me know that I had to experience all the difficult things I was going through so that I could become a better man. A better instrument. He let me know that while I would lose just about everything that I used to consider precious, it would be so that I could really value that which is truly precious. And He promised to love me through it……and He has. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard about the story of the Good Samaritan from the bible. I thought I knew that story so well. I could have recited it to you in some detail if you’d asked me to do so over the years, but until I was the man in the ditch by the side of the road fighting for my life, I really didn’t understand it. I became the man left for dead. I was the man that was passed, by so many people. I watched them, even begged them and pleaded for many to help. I was hurt past my own ability to repair myself. I had never been in a ditch like that, much less one that was more than I could handle. And because God loves us, He did send some angels….Good Samaritans to help me. To teach me true the bone-jarring humility that I so desperately needed. Some of these angels knew what they were supposed to do and why they were doing it and others were just following inspiration. I owe a debt of gratitude to them and honestly feel that I can only repay them is by helping others in need. The funny thing is that life is about momentum in a lot of ways. When I was living high and on top of the world for 15+ years, almost nothing could bring me down. When I was beaten down and broken, it seemed like almost nothing could lift me back up. I thought a thousand times over the last couple years that I was ready to come back. Start my companies again. And until now, I wasn’t. However, I am ready now. I have healed to the point that it is time to start again. You see….. I am not a coward, though I have lived like one. I am not afraid, though I have lived in fear. I am a man of faith, despite at times not believing in myself. I have been knocked down, but now have the power to stand back up. When I had and was so little according to the world, it was only then that I could see the things that really mattered. When I was “important” to some in the world, I struggled seeing what was truly important to God. And I have finally realized, I haven’t been broken. I HAVE BEEN SAVED. So, why am I writing this? This was a tough decision to make. I am ready to plant my flag in the ground and build a life again. Start my businesses again get busy creating. More on that later. I know that some may mock me more. Say that I have some ulterior motive. Try to remind me of my failures. Attack me. And I just don’t care anymore. I’m done giving those that want to destroy any more power. And to those of you that Ive hurt, I beg for your forgiveness. I pray for your well-being. I havent forgotten what’s happened. I hope that instead of picking up that rock to throw it at my house, you instead pick up and a “shovel” or a “hammer” and build something amazing in your own life. I repeat that I’ve lived below what I know to be true for too long. I can’t stay quiet even a day longer. I’ve learned that people that feel forced to remind us of OUR past, only do so because they are unhappy with THEIR present. Any person living in happiness and abundance can only cheer on another’s success. No matter what they’ve done or who they are. A dear friend, one of God’s angels, told me once that even if any of the negative things that had I had been accused of were true, horrible things said about me were justified or if I had done anything wrong, that he would have loved me just the same. He is that great of a man. One of the great lines from the play “Les Miserables” was, “To love another is to see the face of God.” This man proved to me that “To be loved and served by another is ALSO to see the face of God.” I also strongly believe that once we have the knowledge about overcoming, we have the responsibility to share it. That inspiration gained in tough times is lost if not shared. I know that all of us on this earth have amazing things we can do for others and one thing I‘ve learned in my pain is that so many good people are struggling right now. So many people are in a ditch right now. So many of us are walking by them too when they need us the most. If any of us can help in some small way, then WE MUST put ourselves out there. So have I figured everything out? ABSOLUTELY NOT. . Have I fixed all my wrongs? NOT YET! Will I make more mistakes? TOO MANY TO COUNT. Am I ready to play full out and get busy doing amazing things? WATCH ME!!!!!! Have I forgotten my mistakes? THE LORD HAS BLESSED ME TO REMEMBER THEM. Can I undo the wrong and make whole the people that I’ve hurt? GET OUT OF MY WAY. I WILL DIE TRYING. Do I still have faults? TOO MANY TO COUNT. Am I done in that ditch? IT IS ON!!!! Maybe this will help you in some way because I have always been inspired by people willing to do hard things. And let me tell you, this has been hard. I know that there is a lot of good that can and needs to come from me. I believe you are capable too. I can’t forget the wrongs I’ve done. Many people invested in real estate with me. Many lost money in my portfolio. And despite the real estate that has been given, received, taken, deeded and the amounts of money from my small efforts, much more can be done. There is a big mountain in front of me and I am going to climb it one small step at a time. You see, I filed bankruptcy. I tried for some time to avoid it, but it finally and ultimately became necessary because true healing would never be able to start again. Many derided me that my bankruptcy was a way for me to give up and become free of my obligations. I didn’t see things that way. Those things aren’t over until I say they are over. That can be true for you too. I learned through this painful process that people full of hate, pain, guile, pride and those thirsty for power can take all your material things, but they can’t take your heart, soul, experiences, knowledge, faith, wisdom and the essence of who you are. You control those things. You are the gate keeper to those that get access to those blessings. And by the way, those that lash out, try to destroy and desperately want to hurt you are simply people that have somehow found their own way into a ditch too. Despite all the vitriol they may spew and the hubris in their lives, will you help them like you’ve been helped? That is a tough one, but they are no less deserving than we are. So it is time to go empire building. Back to what I know. An empire, not for the sake of empires or things but for the sake of growth, improvement, excellence, gratitude, overcoming adversity, redemption, turning wrongs into rights, forgiveness, repentance, staring the foe in the eye and not turning away even just one more time. It is time to tirelessly begin pursuing those things that make me afraid and have caused me to shrink before my God-given destiny. It is time to stand up out of the ditch for the last time so that I can do good things that glorify God. I am ready to scream at the top of my lungs, “WATCH ME!” I wrote the following words about true liberation and mediocrity years ago and they are truer now more than ever: Mediocrity and the belief that this is all life is- and ever will be- runs rampant. It spreads like a cruel and damning chain that enslaves many. It is an illusion so powerful that many will not even pick up a sword to fight. I am ready to start living up to the person that I know I can be. I hope others will follow also and vanquish the mediocrity in their own lives. I also formerly wrote these words on playing small: Gone are the days where we can attempt to do things on a small stage. Gone are the days where great rewards exist for those who make little efforts. Gone are the days and the beliefs that our playing small or hiding form our destiny won’t affect or hurt anyone else. Decide now to maximize your God-given potential. And on responsibility: Once you have the knowledge you have the responsibility. Either you will use this great knowledge to grow and bless others, or this knowledge you have been given will be used to judge you in the end. Imagine the pain of not meeting your destiny. On apathy: Apathy is a poison to destiny and is brought about by the lack of a pure personal vision. A man with a vision cannot sit by idly while the knowledge of what he could be dies a slow and agonizing death. And finally on the topic of standing up (or getting out of that ditch) I wrote: Who is willing to walk against the tides? Who will stand up against the forces of evil and stare the foe in the eye without trepidation or worry of self? Who is willing to find himself by losing himself in this great venture? What fears will be left behind? I have decided to be one of those men (again). I will no longer accept anything less than the extraordinary. I have chosen to stand up and fight against all that is evil and debilitating in this life. Rise up and join me now in this great battle. It is time to for me and hopefully a lot of others to STAND UP! We can all improve and make our lives and others better. I cant believe Ive waited this long. I cant believe that Ive allowed fear, haters, doubters and other negative things to destroy me, stunt my growth, create fear in me when knowledge, love, faith, experience and wisdom exist. It is time. No more. I will play full out. I will conquer. I will become the man I was put on this earth to be. It is on. You see, who I am, how I act AND what I have are a reflection of my belief system about myself and my relationship with God. Ive given so much power to those residing in their own ditches. Sadly, some of them don’t want to get out. I’ve been painfully worried about things outside of me instead of what resides IN me and with my relationship with God. Until now those things have partially or completely crippled my spirit. Dampened my soul. Caused me to shrink before that which I can become. I just have I say, Im back!!!!! All the way back. And I’m ready to make a great life. And this time I brought my new friends..... compassion, empathy, pain, experience, faith, forgiveness, the desire to repent, anguish and a renewed belief in Gods grace and love for each of us. Some of the things Ive learned in all my trials are that God loves us all no matter what happens. All trials are for our own good and nothing matters but what WE believe and how WE respond to what is given to us in life. I had incredible success for 15 years and then it was gone. Then I found that the success I had wasn’t really the success I needed the most. You know, one of the things that hurts the most, that I HAVE TO FIX, is that my children know what I accomplished when things were good. I was full of passion and unquenchable energy. They know what I did and accomplished. Now they also know that I was broken. They know that not only was I broken, but I have allowed myself to languish in my brokenness for far too long. I have done some good things these last painful years, but not great things. Not what I am capable of. In shame and regret I share with you that I can’t tell you how many times they have asked me some variation of this question, “Dad, when are you going to start your business again?” I am too embarrassed to tell you all the answers I tried to tell them. The things I grasped for, the fear of just saying, “Kids, Dad is living in fear right now. I will start my business again as soon as I am done being a coward.” The closest I came to that answer was, “I will start again when I have healed all the way.” Unfortunately I have realized that the last bit of healing often only comes at the hands of true effort and the release of all fears. True healing requires planting that flag in the ground and saying, “I am back and I’m not going anywhere. I’m not afraid anymore either.” As a man trying his hardest to be a good and loving father, I know one of the biggest lessons I can teach my children is to STAND UP! Take what life throws your way. Grab it and turn it into something amazing. Don’t be a victim. Learn how to claim victory. However that manifests itself. It doesnt have to be things, money or wealth….and usually isn’t those things. The result of what we have, who we are and what we become resides in our faith in God and belief in ourselves. I have taken lifes best shot. I have dealt with those that hate and destroy....received their best shot. I AM STILL HERE AND NOW STANDING. I know more trials will come. They always do. I may fall down in a ditch again, but I will never STAY down in that ditch again. Before the destruction of my life, I made a great living in real estate. I bought, sold, converted, financed, owned, developed and built many pieces of real estate in a lot of places. I was a real estate agent and broker for years. I traveled the country and taught seminars. I met and talked to a lot of people. I have wanted to go back to this. In my fear, I have lied to myself that I can’t or shouldn’t. It is what I’ve done and what I know. The great thing is that I know so much more about life now than I ever did about real estate. I am ready to go back now. The last 5+ years Ive been begging for anyone to partner with me, work with me or believe in me, just like people begged me for those things when I was on top. Many of the people I’ve begged for help were people that wouldve done anything to work or partner with me back when things were riding high and going well during those 15 years. Interestingly, they have all said no through their actions or inactions. They have turned their backs on me. Perhaps forgotten what I did and maybe even exposing some of their own fears and limiting beliefs. Made excuses why they couldnt work with me now, when they had asked, pleaded or even begged to work with me before. To all of you I crawled to and begged for help and support I say, Thanks for saying no. Thank you for not helping me. I have finally stood up. All the way up. With the help of God and on my own power too. Your lack of belief in me has helped me heal all the way. Your inability to see what I am capable of, even though you knew what I did for 15 years, has helped me come all the way back. The Lord has loved me through this. He has been there in the darkest times. He has loved me when few others did. I know in whom I have trusted. So I say to myself now and anyone else that needs to hear it, Stand up! Quit living below your God-given abilities. You are (we) a son (daughter) of the most-high God. Our most loving Father! Stop asking for permission. Put your beggar’s cup away. I’m not holding mine anymore. It is time to remember, find, develop and share your amazing talents and abilities. One last thing I have learned about people is that those that follow you around begging for a piece of your success or those willing to pass you by, while you lay in one of lifes ditches, rarely stop to find out WHO you really are. What they see is often just a reflection of their own life and belief system. How they feel about themselves. We will never be truly happy worrying about what others think. Happines is between you and GOD. Ive learned we need to stop looking outward for belief, self-confidence, help and support. We need to look IN and UP. INside of us for what weve been blessed with and who we are and UP to God. Therein resides all the answers to lifes problems and questions. This letter is to tell my children that I am launching my businesses again. Kids, I am done being a coward. Im not afraid anymore and I dont care what anyone thinks!!!! It is also to help anyone that may have found themselves in a ditch by the side of the road and may need a little help…….. And in some of the immortal words that I learned from Tony Robbins, Now I am the voice I will LEAD, not follow I will BELIEVE, not doubt I will Create, not destroy I am a force for good. I am a force for God. I am a leader Defy the odds Set a new standard. Step up! Step up! Step up!” IT IS ON!! Respectfully, Michael P. Watson
Posted on: Fri, 02 Jan 2015 01:19:37 +0000

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