I know every parent has one of those days, weeks, or even months that you feel Like you just cant get it together. I feel Like Ive been in this mode off and on for the last 19 months. I remember when I found out I was pregnant all the hopes, dreams, and emotions I had. I thought that this would be a much easier road because we had waited and carefully planned out this journey! We waited so long and wanted to always make sure Tanner was taken care of. I planned everything and in my mind there was no chance of anything not being perfect. Imagine sitting In your 20 week ultrasound and overhearing the tech tell your dr everything is perfect but..... !!! Wes kept telling me it was nothing and the minute my doctor told me about her back I felt so heartbroken. However we got through it and made it. I was so excited to just meet my sweet girl. She was born and her back wasnt even a big deal but the devastation came quick. Her sweet little eyes might not ever see my face and all would she ever see her dad, her brother, family, the world!! I now know that she can see us because she gets excited when I look at her and she loved her toys and watching frozen with her Daddy!!! I wish she didnt have to go through the daily seizures, the weekly therapy sessions, doctor appointments, braces, prosthetics, and all the obstacles. I wish I could take her place and let her experience a care free life. I remember sitting at Scottish Rite when she was admitted for the seizures. I was walking around and met some other moms. One of the moms told me her son suffered from seizures and the road would be hard but it got easier. She was telling me how he was almost 2 and had finally started rolling over. I walked back to the room feeling so bad for her. How awful that must be to have a child so delayed. It honestly never crossed my mind that we too would be delayed. I never realized that those nasty seizures that landed us in the hospital would take away so much. So many times I have seen children with disabilities and my heart always broke for them but I never in a million years imagined it could happen to me!!! The reality is it can Happen to anyone. It hits you like a ton of bricks when it does and it makes you question everything about yourself. Ive ran through every scenario in my mind and tried to figure out what I did that caused it but the answer is simple...she is Gods gift to me!!! Its not always easy to see and my heart has broken too many times to count but I never dreamed that one sweet baby could show so many people how to love!!! She makes me and everyone that is around a much better person. We no longer take anything for granted, we love harder, we cherish every little thing she does, and we believe that she is our angel. That doesnt mean that there arent hard days and that we still dont grieve the life we had imagined. Each day is a new day and somehow we will get through it!!! Im thankful for everyone that had prayed for our family and that have helped us along the way. My sister posted our story last week and we are beyond thankful to everyone that has donated!!! We almost have enough for our appointment in 2 weeks!! We will figure out the rest when its time. Its hard to admit that you could use extra help but Im forever thankful to those that have offered!!! Ill make sure to post pictures of the expander!!! Its crazy to imagine in a few months she will have matching eyes!!! To be truthful I would be fine with her just the way she is but I know its necessary for her eye to heal. Thank you for once again letting me vent tonight!!!! We love you all!!! gofundme/lovinglaineybug
Posted on: Tue, 20 Jan 2015 04:30:29 +0000
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