I wish i could go back to the very first days of your life and change the environment you were born into. I wish i could make you feel secure within my arms. I wish i could raise you better. I wish you had a happy life to be raised into, full of love bit i cant i try my hardest to make your life stress free and amazing everyday to try change the past. When i say i live you bubba i truely do. I wish a lot of thins didnt happen but im so blessed i have you. I know its hard right now but i promise i will change it for the better and if mummy has to go away to work to make sure you have food and nappies please dont hate me more. I hate when you hit me and cream at me and when i see how much your angry at me when you look at me and i know its my own fault for bringing you into an unloving relationship im sorry your daddy and i are not like others all happy and stuff. But i live you sk much. I live when we play and paint together and i love when you hell me cook and clean. Your growing into such a beautiful little boy and i want to make your life the best i can and the happiest i can. I wish i knew what i do know when you were little so we could be happier together and so you wouldnt be so scared of things. I love you with my whole heart. Its was love at first site when i held you. Its was such a scary day hours before you were born. I thought is lost you but you were still there just then after 11 hours of labour you were almost gone and i tried my hardest to make you arrive quicker to make sure you were ok. I always wanted to hold you because i was so scared to put you down. I watched you sleep for hours. Watching all the cute faces you make whilst you slept. Gave you heaps of cuddles and kisses. As you get bigger and no longer want cuddles and kisses i cry wishing id make you feel more loved. You are my world. Everyone may say im a bad person, and not worthy but i know deep down, ive read all the books and every research article to learn how to be a better mum and i know i try my hardest. I may not be the best girlfriend or family member or daughter but i try to be your best mummy and hopefully no one will ever replace me. Theres so much i want for your future and i hope one day i will be able to provide it for you. Ive had a lot of bad things in my life ive lost a lot of people and a lot if wanted years. Ive watched friends die, ive changed so many times i dont even knwk who i am as a person anymore before i was a mummy i was a crazy blonde who lived my friends and spent every hours of everyday i wasnt working with them having fun and laughing all the time. When i look back i see that person and i hope to be the happiest ive ever been again one day of i coukd go back to that moment when you were born when i was so happy everyday we would be the happiest kids in the block.
Posted on: Thu, 06 Mar 2014 13:48:56 +0000
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