In the midst of pain killers, lack of sleep, and numbness from grief, I keep awakening in the night feeling Fighter kick me. I roll over, and put my hand on my stomach and smile. Just as I did every night Fighter was in my belly. His awake time was around 1-3am in which he was extremely active and kicked very hard. Except this time my hand registers to my brain my tummy is empty. Fighter is not there anymore. All that is left is sagging skin and three different sizes of horizontal lines filled with stitches and glue. This sends my body into an instant fight or flight response with a surge of chemicals to protect me. My hands and fingers go immediately tingly. My stomach does a quick twist and I am immediately woken up. Sweat starts to well up on my skin and the reality hits me...hard. I immediately feel for Mikes head next to me, gently as to not wake him. I know this is the only way I can survive through the night. I have to find him next to me. Relief immediately hits and my fight or flight subsides as I start stroking his hair with my hands, sometimes rubbing it between my fingers to feel the extra softness. Flashbacks of Fighters hair color and softness on my fingers tips consume me. I cant believe hes gone and I will never feel him again. I smash my face into Mikes large, but soft enough bicep and take his smell in and feel his warmth and love. Then I drift back into sleep...
Posted on: Mon, 20 Oct 2014 03:54:33 +0000
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015