Its Friday night, lets play a game; explain a game plot badly. Here are a couple of videogame plots badly explained, try to see whether you can get them all. Good luck and good night! Youre trapped on a ship with eight other people; one of them is your childhood friend whom you have romantic feelings for. Despite the advances both of you make, you escape the ship by solving a sudoku and (unfortunately) with your pants still on. Youre trapped in a facility with eight other people; the one in charge this time is an anthropomorphic rabbit prone to speaking in rabbit puns and making obscure pop culture references. One of the participants is a young girl who seems to know you from somewhere; another has romantic feelings for you despite only having known you for a few hours at best; another is a circus ringleader with an ego the size of Belgium and the heart the size of flea shit; two are secret agents; one is a young boy, and another is his grandfather - this was the same man whom escaped the aforementioned ship a half century before (and despite the fact he has a grandchild he never found his friend again). The final person is a amnesiac Power Ranger dressed in Aurons robes and a robot suit. The best part? Hes actually your son - most of the time. Youre trapped in a facility in the middle of the desert; you and eight others are taking part in a manned Mars expedition test experiment. Thats all anyone knows; they havent made the game yet. You stop a criminal syndicate from mistreating animals by using your own animals to beat their animals senseless. Not only is this legal but you are commended for doing so. You control virtual peoples lives because your actual life is shit. You shit yourself seceral before you die. Your foster parent is a tree (who dies at the start), the overworld is barren and certain parts impossible to progress past if you suffer from colour blindness. Completing it makes every game you play afterwards a slight disappointment. The moon is falling from the sky and you have three days to stop it. You can time travel back to the start pretty much when you need to, but be sure to stop the bad guys before Ben drowns. Your emotionally abusive father forces you to recreate the universe using nothing more than a sticky chew toy because of something HE did when he was drunk. Youre an escaped convict who shouts at dragons until they die. Your dad is Liam Neeson, only this time hes the one who gets kidnapped. Same game as above, only your dad isnt Liam Neeson. You are a comotose Chopin whom, hours before his death, gets to explore and eventually save a beautiful, musical fantasy world from the evils of industrialisation. A wandering zoo led by a blue hedgehog stop Teddy Roosevelt from world domination. You spend ten years searching down the man whom murdered your sister and later your dog, only for Stephen Fry to beat you to it. You overthrow your tyrannical brother as monarch, only to learn the only viable way to save your kingdom now is to become even more of an arsehole than he ever was. You spend all three games looking at an orange bandicoots arse. The games are fun to play but completing them >100% is masochistic. You are ruler of a kingdom in an anachronistic world seeking to prove itself the dominant world power. You can win as literally anyone except America, they really are godawful. You are god and can do literally anything except lay out a city properly. You walk around the dark corridors in your old house, desperately trying to remember where you left that bloodied baby fetus (spoilers: in the sink). You wander around an old, English town with nothing but a top hat and a sharp mind to help you solve the mystery of where some old shit buried his fortune. Your sidekicks voice acting is pisspoor and sounds completely different in all future installments in the franchise. You wander around an abandoned mining community trying to solve the mystery of the magic jewelry box that kills people. You also make tea for everyone because obvs. You wander around a steampunk London trying to stop the future version of you from being an asshat instead of a top hat. If youre still stuck with these last ones after all the clues Ive dropped can I just say you dont have to be Professor Layton to figure it out. EIGHT. EIGHT. EIGHT. EIGHT. EIGHT. EIGHT. EIGHT. EIGHT. You have pointy hair and a spirit medium for a legal aide; you shout at people until they confess to murder, to the annoyance of your childhood friend. Same game as above, except your childhood friend kills himself and his sister comes to exact revenge. Also, you adopt your assistants eight-year-old cousin Pearly. Same game as above, only this time your childhood friend didnt really kill himself all along. This time, your late employers boyfriend comes to exact revenge on you, along with your ex-girlfriend from beyond the grave. You also have spiky hair; it is seven years later and the original lawyer with spiky hair was disbarred. He now lives with his teenage daughter whom is both your legal aide, pro magician and actually your sister rolled into one. One guy dies because someone shoved underwear up his cars exhaust pipe. You are the original spiky haired lawyer; you got your job back. Also, Pearlys back, and shes dead proud you got your shit together again. You farm. No, not FarmVille. You dance. Its a shit game, why they made four of them is completely beyond my comprehension. Youre a purple adolecent dragon who must go round saving the rest of the populace and collecting a bunch of shiny gems before some pseudo-vikings shout at you to death. You start off as a single celled organism whom later evolves into a major galactic power. You and your childhood friend collect jigsaw pieces in order to stop an evil witch from making herself pretty. Four scouse lads form a band in a game that otherwise discriminates against the colourblind. Your sister gets turned into a shiny rock and its your duty to save her in a uninteresting fantasy world where exposition falls out of the sky in droves. You run around Damascus in your dressing gown stabbing people because it pleases Jafar.
Posted on: Fri, 12 Sep 2014 19:20:53 +0000
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