Its interesting how often I have mourned the loss of relationships and ideas that I never really needed in the first place. I look at what Ive had to give up this past year and its so clear to me today that I lost nothing. Ive gained wisdom. Insight. Compassion. Love. Tools for handling discomfort. But nothing has actually been taken from me and I marvel with a bit of curiosity at the tears shed from believing otherwise. I dont judge my tears. Those hurts had to move through me to facilitate the process of change. So thats cool. But its even more cool that as I cross over into the new year with a lighter load and a fuller heart, that my painful emptiness has brought light and space into my life. And love has brought purpose. I have many goals for this next year and since Emma has decided that we are going to make posters of our resolutions for our bedroom walls, I set one resolution above them all: be a more present mother for my children. Because really, within that one quest, I get to strive for everything Ive ever wanted and everything Im meant to be. All that Ive lost is exactly what was in my way all along. And even though I cant quite see it yet, I am beginning to believe more deeply each day that my life is and will continue to be beyond anything I could have ever imagined. More will be revealed. My work is to simply and peacefully stay the course and abandon the shit that blocks me from the beauty and magic of God in me. 2014, Im letting you go. No hard feelings. But dont let the door hit you on the way out.
Posted on: Wed, 31 Dec 2014 20:55:13 +0000
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