Khoo teck phuat hospital’s basement carpark toilet jus saved my life today. It all started with fish sambal that my dear helper made….. My mother knows that I dun eat small fish… the bloody bones get in my way and its damn annoying… I only eat the big slices or stingray…. So my mummy… being the best mother that she is… decided to go and buy these huge ass fish fillets…. I dun know where she got them from but its huge I tell you… like in comparison right, half of the fillet is the size of an original flavoured KFC chicken breast…. That’s what half the fillet looks like…. So she told my helper to fry the fillets first, then make fish sambal… and to make the sambal spicy…. I think my helper was in one of her spazoid moods today….. coz the sambal came out like satan’s female partner’s monthly leakage problem…… so bloody spicy!!!!! But I all who….. cannot accept defeat to the sambal what…. I literally had like two pieces of the fish… and I decided to go with bread instead of rice….. wahhhhhh… I tell you… happening stuff la….. Do you know that the fish was so fulfilling that I felt like I had gone through a small pot of mutton curry??? It filled me up like how meat would have and I was left on my chair like an injured brown bear…… The sambal was shiok la…. but soon after…. The inevitable happening…. My stomach and asshole decided to go on a spree that was gonna make me cry…… yes.. you read it right… I cried….. See, the sambal in my house is already very spicy… all relatives and close friends of mine would know…. Today’s sambal was like three notches higher in spice…. And I was reacquainted with my toilet…. To an extend that I named afew of the tiles in the toilet.. So after like 45 mins and abt 7 trips to the toilet… it seemed that the storm had passed…. So I decided to go fetch my mum… as she needed to buy the monthly groceries from the NTUC…. And as I dropped her and my helper off at the supermarket, my stomach churned so badly that I thought it was gonn come there and then…. I needed a toilet… not any toilet… but a clean, hygienic, dry… with toilet paper and washing facilities kind of toilet…. My solution……. Khoo Teck Phuat hospital….. confirm have…. So I am like flooring my accelerator right, and screeching into the carpark of the hospital… and they have like three lobbies.. and I didn’t know which lobby to park at… until I saw the holy grail….. a wheelchair logo outside a sliding door!!!!! Handicap toilet laaaa!!!!! I had a dog and his name was BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The rest is history la….. all I can say is…. I paid $0.48 to use the toilet… in carpark fee…. I would pay $10 to use that toilet sia…. Air freshener la, toilet paper la… bidet la…. dry floors…. No foul smell…. The whole nine yards….. power la…. And you know the feeling you have after you…….. you know…….. drop a bomb…… its something that cannot be compared to anything la…. it’s a feeling of relief… second to none. After that I fetched my mum and came home and washed up all la…. but from then till now…. The bomb has been dropped a long time ago lready… but the exhaust gases….. oh my god jesus……… even I cannot tahan la wahhhhhhhhhh……. Each time it comes out…. It lasts like 2-3 seconds and it stinks up the entire room… and I feel like collapsing under the sheer stink of the smell…….. I give you a clearer picture la…. you all should know Simba right?? My husky……. Well he sleeps with me… either on the bed, or right smack beside the bed, on the floor…. depending on his mood la…. do you know that when I passed my exhaust gas just now…. He woke up with a shock…. Shaked himself… starting sniffing his nose like how we would when we want to get something out of our nose…. You know.. the outward snorting… and he ran out of my room to the hall laaaaaa……… That’s how bad it is…. And I woke up coz of the smell… and I am typing this…. Moral of the story…. Ganesh does eat fish….. all those who say otherwise… I will fart on you… Dun try to fight against sambal made by a domestic helper who has been instructed to make it more spicy…. You are dealing with a mad scientist…….. The fish was happening…. Buy house in yishun…. That way.. if you kenna stomach pain… and home is jus too far…. KTPH has the best toilet in yishun la…. Dogs are a man’s best friend….. They give their lives to save their masters…but in the event of a “Sambal Fart” incident…. You are on your own buddy… too bad…
Posted on: Tue, 08 Apr 2014 20:38:30 +0000
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