LIFES MOST INGLORIOUS BASTARD Inglorious Basterds! Not sure why they spell it that way, but they do. Remember the war film written and directed by Quentin Tarantino? Im pretty sure Inglorious Basterds is an apt name for my ego...maybe yours, too. I have struggled to overcome my ego for decades. If youre a theologian type, get used to this word ego for I use it as a kind of replacement for what Biblical writers have tried to capture with the word sin. Sin is not something youre born with, as in the silly notion of original sin. People have looked for ways to explain what goes wrong in humans since humans evolved as conscious beings. And, even Saint Paul, for all his seminal insight into the human experience, did not really know how to explain it either. But he did as good a job as any other, given his limited understanding. Heres how ego - the little inglorious bastard in me has bastardized my life for pretty much most of my life. Ive been a self-promoter all my life. Some of you knew that already - Hm! You might explore why that is. Anyway, with an ego as broad as the Grand Canyon, Ive wanted to be known but, not just known, Ive wanted to be better known than most everyone else. Ive wanted to be liked too. But not just liked, more liked than you. Ive wanted to be successful; Ive wanted to be envied, to make money hand over fist, and...well...you know, by this time, have several million tucked away, and living the high life. Yes, Ive been one of those kind. Which explains why I had a strange mixture of friends - those who admired me because they, more self-despising than I, envied me for what they presumed was a self-confident person who knew what he wanted and, by God, was going to get it. Theirs was a different sort of problem caused by an equally dysfunctional and inglorious bastard of their own. The people who did not like me, and they were many, didnt realize that the reason they didnt was because they saw in me - namely, the competitive, self-promoting inglorious bastard type - what they were busily denying was also in them. It usually works that way, doesnt it? You like those people who display qualities you admire and wish you had more of in yourself. You despise, however, those people who display qualities you have denied or ignored are also in you. That pretty much sums up the work of the inner inglorious bastard. Your ego. You can look at almost any unacceptable behavior - what wed call in religious circles sins and trace it to some twisted projection of the dysfunctional ego...envying in others those qualities you think are not in you and despising in others the evil that resides in your heart, too. Ego. Lifes Most Inglorious Bastard. Welcome to the real world, my friend. When my Dad died, something in me died. What died was a big chunk of my inglorious bastard. I did not know it at the time. I grieved as anyone would who had just lost something or someone special. And, my Dad was special. The grief, the sadness, the brokenness in me took several years to sort out. But today, I see in his death my own spiritual resurrection. How could I remain sad? Oh sure, I miss him. But in many-a-strange way, hes more alive in me than at any other time. And, yes, I talk to him. So, if that makes me nuts, I hope Im never sane. Every death, my friend, is followed by a birth. And, both underscore the cycle of Life - Eternal Life itself. Dont waste any death - any death. I call them littler deaths all given to you to help you prepare for the doozy around the corner. And, that corner is getting nearer all the time. This is probably what Leonardo DaVinci meant when he said, All my life I thought I was learning how to live; now I realize Ive really been learning how to die. In just the last few days, some things have happened in my life that I think have struck a fatal, final blow to the inglorious bastard in me. If not completely, pretty damn close. Ego is so subtle. The little bastard will even attempt to use its own dying as a means of surviving. It began to die in me the day my father died. But, in these last few years, its been doing a number on me. It has been secretly hoping that in its own dying and death it would somehow rise up and finally achieve the greatness it has longed for, the promotions it has sought, the achievements its dreamt about at night, as well as the success it has secretly envied in others all these years. Dont worry if you do not understand what Im talking about. If youve gotten this far and havent quit reading, it is likely because you recognize the damn dog in you, too. It was the atheist philosopher Nietzsche who called it the dog that followed him everywhere. He had a better understanding of sin than most preachers I know. For years, Ive wanted to be free of the bastard, not knowing it was using my desire to be free as a means of achieving its own inglorious ends. But Im aware now. Better aware, anyway. Heres how you may, too...
Posted on: Fri, 01 Nov 2013 20:25:57 +0000
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