Languages I would like to talk :) I still find it kind of difficult to get along with the things I said in earlier subjects because its like you create some kind of formula about how to think when you get the what I call hot flashes from memories of what happened combinated with ideas of how it could have an impact on your future in the negative way all together in a tought of no more then 5 seconds that have an impact on how you feel the whole day WHEN you dont have you self created strategies :) Its not always easy to hold on to the formulas because its almost a list in my mind of what to say to myself to change that internal dialogue specially not when for example you wake up in the morning because then we all know that first you are sleepy and then its like you tune into the knowledge of the world in some minutes and like all is literally repeated in your mind again haha and then you think ok this is good this is good and that also but then you think ooow yikes that is soooooooo awful! And then you get kind of nervouse because you almost pray if you had not forgotten about the internal list from things to say to yourself that makes you feel like yes I can handle it and I know exactly what to do! Some things become a habit quick and Im realy thankful for that but from other things I find it a bit more difficult to adapt to. And then during the day somethimes you think at yourself ow my god, hot flash haha things are going too fast because I want the internal list and I hope hope hope I had not forgotten it because then I cant give myself the nescesary answere and then i am lost because then I have to think about it without an answere. Its not so difficult because all you have to say to yourself are the right things for example: Ow, they are gonna place visible articles in my enivornment. Answere: They wont! Stop! Freedom. Or the people from who I appreciate it will stop. Answere: They wont! Or ow my god if I tell it to my friend she will look at me strange or dont want to have to deal with me anymore. Answere: Well umm she will! haha and thats where my story is about because it gives me a better feeling of identity so there we go! I know its a nice story give me the stage for a second and dont make me want to place you in the DDS model haha D=Dominant (your story is just this, MINES is like THATTTT) D=Detached (asking critical questions about the smallest details) S=Social (repeating it in strange ways like you want me to choke in it) Accepting would be nice :) So I know that my friend that I already know for 17 years haha (Im getting old) doesnt find my story strange or blame it on me or see me as a strange person. My friend Tosca haha the daughter of the professor which I told about who lives in U.K. with John and 2 years old Samuel and 4 months old Arianne sended me a message yesterday that she was in Holland and if I wanted to have a talk. So we called and she said well can you come over tomorrow because Im not sure if I can sleep tonight because I have so many things to say haha so tomorrow is best and then my dad wont be at home cause he gotta go to a funeral and we have the house alone haha and yes I may say that because we are just like human beings and its not nescesary to make any strange comments about that at all. Today was the tomorrow of yesterday, i went there and I just had to fall in love with her beautiful kids. You would do the same Im sure! I had not seen Arianne on this planet jet because she is just here for 4 months but earlier Tosca could not come to Holland since the child could not lift her head up by herself. And oooow those eyes and the little baby clothes ooow thats nothing for Linda because all she thinks is ok you wont get your baby back cause its mines now. I take her home haha. MINES! But it was love from 2 sides cause ofcourse Tosca lost her child to Linda and when Tosca only had the intention to place her in the buggy hahaha she was CRYING hahaha Lindas favorite like I said hahaha. And then Samuel haaaaaaahahahaa hes in the age of getting shy but behind... know what I mean? HAHA he was like well, Tosca had placed cookies on the table haha and first he was in the living room playing and then all of a sudden there was Samual at ours in the kitchen and Tosca asked if he wanted a cookie what he wanted and Tosca said he had to say Please but he was too shy because there was someone else which was me ofcourse. So the arms in front of the face and saying things like lsdbbdfsgsfa (something not so understandable) and then Tosca said that grandma found that a bit to strict so guess what I did? HUGE MISTAKE jikes sorry for that. The cookie was on the table and Tosca asked him to listen and I said: Here Sam, There you go your cookie hahaha. Then half an hour later we were talking and Sam was just hanging around at us and probable we were talking a bit too loud in Dutch because all of a sudden we heard: YOU MAKE TOO MUCH NOICE! hahahaha and I laughingggggggg seriously. But then 10 minutes later we were talking on and then we saw out of nothing secretly an arm going to the cookies hahaha to take another one because he tought they dont pay attention anyhow so i take my chance and Linda laughing like hell again and i was like well umm I saw nothing I saw nothing but mom wasnt that amused. And another realy surprising thing was that the kid his mother is from Holland like I am and dad is from U.K. but Tosca always speaks to him in Dutch our language while dad and the rest is talking english to him. RESULT: The kid understand dutch and talks english back. Mom said yeah thats because he is too lazy to talk Dutch and I was like wow wow wow you realise how amazing that is? The kid has 2 languages already at that age dont call him lazy but she is a bit too shy ofcourse to talk big about it. But its realy funny to listen to because you can ask him dutch questions and you recieve an english answere. IF he is not too shy ofcourse. So he was playing outside with a skateboard or something and I said (afraid he would fall): Zal ik je meehelpen? and he answered with: NO! hahahahahaha thats so funny so he did hear it and understood it and talked back in English like a computer hahahahaha. (zal ik je mee helpen means Should I help you?) Thats so cool! Ofcourse then I think on and said wow ummm wondering if your husband came from Philipines or Syria (hypotetical out of respect for what happened to those people ofcourse) then Tosca you know what, then we would have a serious problem when he would be too lazy to talk back in our languge because then we would ask questions and should gamble the answere ourselves haha not knowing anything about those beautiful languages. And when I say Philipines or Syria in the now when I am writing I get those hot flashes understand? Because then I think in those 5 seconds ooooow my god whats going on over there? so umm lets continue HAHA Tosca doesnt find it embarracing so we spoke for like hours about all the things that we wanted to talk about IN DUTCH HAHAHA. Hearing the you are too loud all the time from our favorite. We talked about all kinds of things like umm I guess its not so relevant but like Trevor and if somehow I wanted to work with him or not we dont know at all its way too earlie and umm about the children and moving house and ow thats funny indeed: Well Sam when he heard he could go with the plane to Holland he was like yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay I want that! So Tosca tought ow thats easy then huh? haha Im sure he would do very well. So he stepped into the plane all happy etc. and was like look mom I love it sooo much! hahaha ow my god and then half an hour later he said: Well umm mom you know what? i dont realy like this anymore I dont find it such a good idea anylonger lets get out of the plane :) Tosca said look out the window please. And we also talked about well a lot of things actually and Im sure you will kind of fall asleep when I all literally repeat them and then we also talked about the stalking which Im not gonna repeat I only say the important things which were like that i was surprised that she did not find that to like blame on Linda no. And lets go to another subject now I only keep busy with how to remember and learn my coping skills cause thats a happy memorie makes me stop troubeling about it. So we are not going there at the moment no.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Nov 2013 00:13:43 +0000
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