Last rambling for the night. When I got sober, I decided to get right with God, when I got right with God, I left an abusive relationship...I stood up strong for awhile then I decided I would take up yoga and crafting and refurbishing furniture...life is throwing me curve balls some of my own decisions some not but I really thought about it and I am back to being square one...that broken sober girl. I have done nothing that I set out to do but get a job. The thing is I missed a step...I havent worked on me really. I am still just as broken as the day I got sober. Time for step work...Im gonna find a sponsor and I am gonna work my program. Time to live different. So today I had my come to Jesus moment and I am surrendering to my higher power. Even being sober, Im still messed up, in pain, and scared to fly. As I say goodnight I will say goodbye to excuses, guilt, feelings of inadequacy, goodbye to people who make me feel less than enough...but with goodbye I will wake and rearrange my thought process. I am a woman who can stand tall, I have a huge heart that wants to feel love and be loved, I am a dreamer and imperfect, a procrastinator, a scared child but still a mother. I AM PERFECTLY IMPERFECT. I AM ME. I NEED HELP FROM THE TRUE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE TO BE HONEST BUT NOT HARSH because I have an artistic fragile soul. I am better than my thinking over the last 38 years. Even though I will wake with the same problems that I went to bed with, I am waking with a different thought...victim I am not...conqueror I am. In short I am a bloody hot mess, my situation is just a way for me to get the hell up and make a new ending to this crazy middle chapter. I will see my true friends and let the people who think I am unworthy hit the door. Amanda means worthy of love and its about damn time I realized it. Tonight I will pray. I will wake up and pray selflessly and shift my own reality. Boom. Thats some honesty for you
Posted on: Tue, 27 Jan 2015 05:03:06 +0000
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