March 17, 2014 7:47 p.m. ET Maybe Barack Obama should have given Zach Galifianakis an off-ramp, like the one he keeps trying to offer Vladimir Putin. Those were some pretty barbed lines the president unloaded on the comic actor last week in their semi-parodic Between Two Ferns interview. In case youre wondering why Im writing about this—well, I am too. A Malaysian jetliner has vanished into thin air, while Russia has completed its seizure of Crimea and may yet invade other parts of Ukraine. Serious stuff, you might say. But the big story of last week as far as the president is concerned is his appearance alongside the star of The Hangover movies, the guy who last year smoked a joint live on the Bill Maher show. Zach actually was pretty nervous, Mr. Obama later told Ryan Seacrest, theAmerican Idol impresario, in a radio interview. His whole character is to go after the guest and I think he was looking around and seeing all these Secret Service guys and thinking, I wonder what happens here if I cross a line? But we had a great time. Incidentally, I quote these lines from the Us Weekly report of the Seacrest interview. Us magazine is where I go for my political news these days. The online article also had a link to a photo gallery of Mr. Obama hanging out with various celebrities, like Justin Bieber. Whats up, my dude! the Canadian teen star says to the president of the United States. Whats up, Biebs! the president of the United States answers back. In fairness, this was before Biebss Miami DUI. In fairness, also, the president does important work. Just the other day, he was photographed standing by his Oval Office desk, casually dressed in jeans, speaking to Vladimir Putin on the phone. The president had been savaged by Sarah Palin as one who wears mom jeans and equivocates and bloviates. Retorted Mr. Obama: The truth is, generally I look very sharp in jeans. The sole exception, he added, was one episode like four years ago in which I was wearing some loose jeans, mainly because I was out on the pitchers mound and I didnt want to feel confined while I was pitching. Thanks for clearing that up, Mr. President. In the meantime, Mr. Obama is imposing the sanctions he had previously threatened on Russia in the event Mr. Putin went ahead with his Black Sea conquests. These are by far the most comprehensive sanctions applied to Russia since the end of the Cold War—far and away so, crowed one administration official to reporters. By which the White House means a total of seven Russians and four Ukrainians. The sanctions were so light that one of the intended targets, Russian Deputy Prime Minister Dmitry Rogozin, instantly spat back his contempt in a tweet: Comrade Obama, what should those who have neither accounts nor property abroad do? Or maybe you didnt think of that? Maybe he did, maybe he didnt: Even now the unanswered question about Mr. Obamas personality is whether his insouciance is a mask for ideology, ignorance, or simple indifference. When the president goes before the cameras to announce tough sanctions, and the sanctions are not only not tough but laughably weak, whats going through his head? Should he be wearing loose jeans more often so he can feel less confined geopolitically? Alternatively, the president might consider rearranging his work schedule. Last year came the news that Mr. Obama was unaware of the problems plaguing his health-care website until after its rollout and that he never once had a private meeting with Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius between July 2010 and November 2013. How does something like that happen? An answer of sorts comes in an article by Sean Blanda on How Barack Obama Gets Things Done on the 99U website. The president, Mr. Blanda reports, wakes up at seven oclock. He works out 45 minutes a day every day, not including his regular basketball games. He watches a lot of SportsCenter. Dinner each night with his family. To limit decision fatigue, he likes to set policy via memos where he can check the box on agree, disagree, or lets discuss. What do I take away from all this? The obvious: A cavalier foreign policy by an inattentive president that elicits the contempt of the people it intends to punish ultimately encourages their aggression as well. The less obvious: We need a fat president. Or at least one who rarely thinks and never speaks about how he looks in jeans. And one who doesnt spend his day testing his wits against a Hollywood stoner or bantering with Ryan Seacrest while a European ally is being pummeled by Russia. And one who would rather spend his time working than working out, even if it means putting on a few pounds. And one who can pitch from the mound and reach home plate. However confined. Barack Obama is probably the coolest president this country will ever have. But with Vladimir Putin trying to step on the Wests throat, Ill take President Mom Jeans any day. Write to bstephens@wsj
Posted on: Thu, 20 Mar 2014 21:52:45 +0000
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