Meet Ms Shevy pt 1 May 17, 2012 Some people have the natural - TopicsExpress



          

Meet Ms Shevy pt 1 May 17, 2012 Some people have the natural ability of letting people and things go. Others do not. I am glad I am not a part of the other group. Since I was younger, people have came and left my life. I cannot say they did not reach a special part in my heart, but it is hard to say that I miss them. Maybe some from my childhood, but the number is extremely small. The ones I do miss, is because of their company. Honestly, some people are just nice and have a heart. They grow to become great people, practicing the socialization skills they learned when they were younger. The others have taught me, I missed out on some lessons as a child and even now as I finish up my twenties. Now, I spend most of my time alone. I have learned even more about myself being in solitude, gaining powers I suppressed from my younger age. Finally, I am able to step into the shoes which God has put aside for me, even if they are as small as letting you know what I know. This is not my testimony. My heart, soul and spirit are not being put onto a piece of paper. I am a multi dimensional being, with too many feelings to share in one blog. Instead, I am going to scratch the surface, and hopefully you can learn from my past as well as my present. I can see my future, but the road to the beginning has been full of bumps, curves and pot holes. Hopefully, telling my story will make my way simpler. So far, it has been discouraging. I told myself I will not cry as I type this. I will not let a tear drop from my eyes. I was told when I was fourteen, “I have seen you cry since you were a baby. Your tears do not mean anything.” Words which has stuck with me for twelve years and I am sure I will not ever forget. It is the reason why I do not cry. Maybe if my reason for being in “trouble” would have been my fault. But I cannot help if someone steals from my room and I do not find out until I am looking for the “big” purchase item. That day I also learned, telling the truth will dig me further and further into a hole. I remember once, in March of 2011, a lady in her fifties phone was cut off because of being in a disagreement with a niece. She could not figure out how to get a new one, being that she was not working. Instead, she cried to her husband and daughter in law. They fixed the problem. I refused to beg her to help her, before she called in for assistance. She told me she needed a phone and wanted me to help her, but she could not tell me what she wanted me to do. Therefore, I ignored her wants because she could not tell me her needs. All I could think was she was weak. She cried over a cell phone, but has a house phone. What a waste of energy on material things. The day her phone issue was fixed, I ended up losing my third car. I did not cry. I was not working, could not afford the payments, so I told them to come and pick it up from her yard. They had already turned it off due to the GPS system (which is a completely different story), so I could not move it, and was unwilling to beg for anyone to help me. “Not this time. Not ever again.” And I have not. I guess some people do not realize their hurtful words will stick with a person for the rest of their lives. I refuse to let my feelings and emotions hunt me for most of my life. There is no reason for that. Instead I allow myself to grow from them, strengthening my soul, instead of letting part of my soul go away. It is not easy. I am a manic depressive, but will not go to the doctor for treatment because (one) my culture does not believe in depression. Maybe being stressed or feeling down. I am not allowed to be depressed or bi-polar through their eyes. The second reason I will not go to the doctor is because I do not believe in taking man made medicine, for any reason at all. It is unnatural, has too many side effects and I do not know what is in it. I have been hurt emotionally and mentally by some of the people who are suppose to be the closest to me. It no longer matters. I am alive and over their devilish ways. I have had enough of dealing with their screwed up mind. Trying to keep people happy who does not want me to have anything. They are not looking for me to be successful. They sit and pray in the dark that I do not accomplish any of my goals or lifelong dreams. Their prayers have been answered. (That will be in another blog.) My prayers have been answered as well. I have prayed away the people who hurt me the most because of their envious ways. I had no other choice. Not only can I hear their thoughts but they speak them out loud under their breath. At first I ignored them, for years. Ignorance is to be ignored. Then, I spoke back to them, questioning their ways, only to watch them crumble and try to hide their jealous thoughts. I was the crazy one, not them. They cannot get me to believe them, even if they offered me a million dollars. What I have learned is these people are cowards. They do not like to be dealt with. Now they do not have to worry because I will not allow them into my presence. It was not easy. Again, these are people whom I once loved, and were suppose to love me. But they did not love me. They pretended to love me, so they would be able to suck me dry, mentally, emotionally, spirituality, and money wise. I have even tried to forgive, only to be given the same answer. The power of prayer may be my next blog. Either way, I have learned, letting go simplifies life. There is no worrying about someone trying to attack me, betray me, or let me down. I learned, they cause problems in my life because they have so many problems of their own and they do not want to deal with it. I cannot help if my life looks easy going because it is not. People cause me problems every day. What I have learned, is they are too weak to deal with their problems, so they have to bring drama to someone else to make them feel better. Be aware of people and their jealous ways. Protect yourself at all cost, even if it means removing yourself from their presence and their life. “One loves without hate. “ Posted 18th May 2012 by Shervon McBride
Posted on: Thu, 14 Nov 2013 10:34:52 +0000

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