Mental venting purge (Im feeling confident and comfortable with - TopicsExpress



          

Mental venting purge (Im feeling confident and comfortable with what Im about to share): Telling myself growing up that i lacked intelligence because I didnt learn like everyone else has done some serious mental damage. Its been on my mind a lot the past couple of weeks. Its not fair to think im not smart when I cant contribute to an intellectual conversation because its filled with big words I dont know the meaning of and the topic brings discomfort because I cant retain information like that. So instead i flee my thoughts to something more my pace. It makes you feel small. Its been a struggle and insecurity my whole life. I verbally abused myself into thinking I was stupid because Id be at the table doing home work for 3 hours working on one math problem in tears filled with frustration because I just didnt understand what I was doing. But after allll that struggle pain anxiety and torment I went through I did something I told myself I would never be able to do. I accomplished a goal I just knew I would never reach. I remember sitting in the gym 8th grade year listening to the principal of the high school tell us about Alvirne. He told us that some students would get to graduate early if they get all their credits in by senior year. I remember thinking to myself man Id do anything to get out of this hell hole of bullshit early. But Im not capable, Im too stupid. Three years go by and high school aint so bad. Im sitting in a meeting with my guidance counselor junior year when she tells me I qualify for graduating early. As you can imagine I nearly shit my pants as I flash back to the moment in the gym bringing myself down. I thought it was a joke. I was like what do you mean?! She told me I had all my credits in and asked if i would like to graduate early senior year. Im like HOW THE?! YES! I have to! i practically made a bet with myself that i couldnt. With out even trying I did it. I graduated early just like I didnt think I would. Moral of the story is I proved myself wrong with out even trying. You cant imagine what it did to my confidence levels after feeling so horrible about my learning abilities after all those years. And its something to keep in mind when Im feeling down on myself. But Im realizing how much I truly need to work on healing this part of my life if Im still finding myself struggling with the insecurities of it. The wounds wont go away because Im still picking at the scabs. School was traumatizing and I hope that things will change for the kids who are told they have a learning disability and are put in lower level classes. When in reality they just learn differently and their styles need to be focused on more. Being put in that kind of box didnt feel good. Im open to discussion on this. Perhaps it will make me feel better with other peoples input on the subject of school and what we could do to improve the learning styles and anything involving the subject. It feels good to be open about this aspect of my life because I know Im not the only person who has struggles with this. Im not alone and neither are you
Posted on: Wed, 16 Jul 2014 17:56:37 +0000

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