My thoughts are jumbled and we are stricken by grief that no parent should ever feel. We prayed, we trusted, we believed, we fought, we researched, we questioned, and we gave it all that we thought we had. BUT…we will always question whether it was enough, should we have taken a different route, or obtain advice from a different doctor. I always prayed we were being led by God in all decisions but did we miss something, was it truly God directing our decisions or was it us in our quest to make her better guiding the path. I’m not seeking consolation; nothing will ever make a parent who has lost their child to cancer feel confident they did all they could do. To begin with, children should never get cancer in the first place. That in itself is unfathomable, even unexplainable by the ones entrusted to treat them . What choices in life does a child make to ever warrant a diagnosis of cancer? NONE!!! The loss of a child to a disease in which no explanation exists is unimaginable. Watching your child endure test after test, poke after poke, surgery after surgery, hurt after hurt whether it be from physical pain or emotional pain, begging God to let her live and have a normal healthy life, is a reality that I wish I could say didn’t exist. But over the past 3 years it was all too real. I type all this pain and then follow it up knowing we also created some of the fondest memories and met some of the most amazing people throughout it all. Watching Sydney grow into a beautiful, smart, talented, giving, loving, gracious, tender, young lady…a daughter that I couldn’t have fully described or more perfectly designed myself was a gift. A daughter that was a leader, wise beyond her years, lived life to its fullest, and although way too often only surrounded by her small family and a few close friends was way more concerned about us and making sure we were happy than concerned with her needs. Our lives will never be the same, our house is empty and our hearts are broken. Our hearts continue to break because we know unfortunately more parents will face the same reality as there is no cure for this horrid child stealing disease. It is an epidemic….we are outraged at the number of children and families affected in our area alone, yet childhood cancer doesn’t get the attention or the research and resource $ it deserves. I sound bitter, and I am. None of this is right, none of it makes sense and none of it is ok. I am confused and hurt and I will mourn the rest of my life. Knowing she is no longer suffering and in the arms of Jesus is consoling to my spiritual mind. But my mortal mind will never be satisfied hearing “you did all you could do.” We thank God for our one of a kind baby girl, but surely wish He would have let us had her longer. Please help keep her memory alive as we believe her spirit lives on. This was Sydney’s favorite time of year. She enjoyed being surrounded by laughter and joy and family and friends. Surround yourself with these this season and throughout your life. Thank you all for the kind words spoken about our daughter and for your support and prayers. We are forever the proud parents of Sydney Makayla Ridings. We love you and miss you with every breath and every heart beat.
Posted on: Sun, 07 Dec 2014 03:44:31 +0000
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