SO WHO WANTS A GOOD LAUGH??? I made an account on a dating site and this is what I put. ABOUT ME Ok I guess Ill start with my job because its more important than anything else. In a low crouch at the bottom of a seven-foot-deep manhole, sloshing away in a swirl of human waste and sediment. Equipped with a hoe and a steel bar, and wearing only a pair of loose purple underpants, I empty the thick black sludge from a clogged sewer into a bucket that my fellow crew members hoist up and dump in the middle of a narrow road. A small mountain of decaying excrement accumulates between the manhole and a rickety wooden vegetable cart. My 2 buddies reach down and yank me out by my sore, extended arms, my body splattered with putrid muck. At 40, single, with a cat named Sylvester and a monthly income of about $300, Im a sewage worker for the city of Long Beach. I stumble out into the midday light, too dazed to speak and The first thing I notice is the unbearable smell of my privates. Next thing I realize is the cockoaches have laid eggs in my underwear and that the rats—big rats have been eating my soggy sewage covered lunch. My skin rashes and eye soreness, respiratory and liver problems have gotten worst but Im a little trooper and cant let a bad day at work get me down. Long Beach was not built to accommodate its current population of about 1355 wacky beach bums. With hundreds pouring in from places like California annually, its sewers—about 4 miles of them—are a mess, and the workers like myself tasked with keeping the waste flowing unobstructed (half of it empties into the nearby Pacific Ocean) regularly put our lives on the line. The whole system is going to collapse in the next few years if it continues as it is now. All of this collected poop makes Long Beach the perfect setting for the World Toilet Summit, which is coming in 2015. You have not partied until you party at the toilet summit. I have been lucky 11 of my coworkers have died from asphyxiating on the noxious gasses and drowning in excreta, and about 3 others have died from tuberculosis, hepatitis and other diseases. I dont get tested anymore I have god looking over me so Im impervious to HIV,Hepatitis and lung disease. My liver problems are from eating greasy burgers. Im looking for a real loose woman who knows how to get dirty. I do not like my woman to use deodorant and not really into bathing. Im into the old school hippy ladies that smell like an old barstool. Smokers,stripper shoes and colostomy bags are hot. I dont watch tv,brush my teeth or read books so if you do please keep looking. FIRST DATE I guess you could buy me a meal at the steak place. I like to eat steak so I will want a woman who will buy a lot of it. I expect the woman to buy the food and I pay for gas. Gas is not cheap and car maintenance is expensive also. Woman dont realize how much money we spend driving them to the steak place. INTERESTS Smoking,steak,talking to chicks
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 05:09:45 +0000
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