So i havent given my friends and family an update in the past two weeks because Ive been struggling beating myself up and slowing myself down...I think Ive had a mental transformation...Ive been in this impatient-hurry the f$&@ up and lose the 20 lbs already mode...Ive been saying positive things to others while talking sh$t to myself - I have allowed this negative person to take permanent residence in my head and when I started this challenge I allowed her to lay down a damn boxing ring up there to battle with me every step of the way - I have been allowing that b&$@! To control my thoughts and stress me the F&@$ wayyyy too much....last night I almost let her win...but let me just say...today I have given her an immediate eviction! No more of this BS...I have accomplished far too much in my life to let her rule. And since starting this challenge I have made so much progress - I mean seriously self I havent had a cigarette or a soda in 28 days now, I can do a burpee, push a tire (not roll now, push! lmao!) and lift weights, Ive lost 9 lbs, so no matter what that scale says tomorrow I know that Im making progress! I already feel stronger, happier and healthier...I have never enjoyed working out so much that I actual crave it (except after leg days when I cant move lol) seriously I feel physically and mentally better after Ive worked out. So I am no longer going to compare my progress to others or where that b$?@& upstairs says I shud be. I am committed and I am FTDI and now as Mama K (Carolyn Kelley) has been telling me over and over again Im going to stop stressing and trust the process!! I sware Im one of those stubborn ass peeps that God has to smack in the head with a 2x4 to remind me to let go and let God! FFS Yeah know what I mean!! I understand fully now that I am my best motivator and that this isnt going to work if I keep letting that negative BS in my head keep driving my thoughts down the crapper...my body is gonna do what I tell it to and I CAN & I WILL do this - I just have to calm the hell down and be patient. When I started this challenge I thought I had the right mindset but I realize I dont want to just be thin - I want to be strong and healthy, I want muscles, Im no longer counting down the days till I can eat crap again! (I do want a very strong drink tho lol) This is a new way of life Ive committed to and I want to live strong...I want to inspire my daughter and my man! I want to never have to worry about what my A1C is or worry if Im gonna have a heart attack or a stroke. And I want to be able to do all the physical activities that I love but stopped doing because I have asthma or because I believed I couldnt. I am going to keep pushing myself but now with a more patient and positive attitude! Lol Im going to keep grunting and wheezing until I dont! Im going to encourage others around me because that is what this AFF-awesome Fitness Family has been doing for me. So heres to my come to Jesus talk with myself and my new attitude adjustment. I have found my motivation again! No matter what happens at the end of this challenge Im not quitting! I am so grateful to The Camp, my workout buddies and my AFF. Im also very grateful for the support and encouragement from my friends and family especially my baby girl Kayla Kayla Nirvana and my love Stephen Wayne Burris Jr. So heres to acceptance, honesty and slowing down...to staying focused positive and consistent - to Trusting the Process thank you Lord for your 2x4s!! Now Im ready for weigh-in tomorrow! I got this!
Posted on: Mon, 24 Nov 2014 02:01:40 +0000
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