Sometimes I feel heavy. Sometimes its as if god has cranked up gravity to 3x its normal intensity, just to spite my skinny ass as I shuffle around tripping over my own feet. I fall asleep and it seems like it takes the same mental preparation to peel myself out of bed as it would a man with duck tape sealed tightly over his mustache. I toil at work, and times goes quicker then a BurgerKing workers paycheck. I spin the quarters that need to be spun and return back home to shovel down my lunch and dinner combo because I once again forgot to eat. I give my best attempt to give my Hot Asian girlfriend the time and attention she deserves and then pass out after a few free-pour shots of ZQuil, a proactive solution to my sleeping issues. I fall short at times and there is rarely time to adress what I may be feeling or going through. Im under pressure. People count on me in nearly every facet of my life. If I make a stupid decision, I no longer only hurt myself. And you know what? I love it. I remember a time where nobody counted on me. Where nobody cared what my opinion was. Where my decisions impacted little more then myself and the amount in fees I owed to the Salt Lake City Court. Where I was so broke, I would see my family need something and as a man I couldnt provide and feeling ashamed. Where when I wasnt working, I was crafting a new excuse on how getting fired this time wasnt really my fault. It feels good that I can love a woman without ruining it for nearly 7 years and she counts on me. That I can turn my talents into a career where people count on me. It feels good to be a call away from my Mother and Sisters and they finally are able to count on me when they need that extra help or a listening ear. That I am a source of pride for my family and not just the relative you call on major holidays. So I remember during these times when I feel heavy, that God has finally deemed me worthy of carrying my own weight for once. And regardless of how skinny my ass may be, and how heavy my burdens or responsibilities grow--I will never quit or concede but get stronger carrying it. For I will get out of life what I put in--or God will owe a shit ton of gift cards...
Posted on: Thu, 23 Jan 2014 05:09:33 +0000
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