THE DIARY OF A NIGERIAN. Part 5- Double Trouble Who ever said that police is your friend must be drunk. And who ever said that the beautiful ones cant cause you trouble must be ignorant of what i passed through today. Today, i went to town where i was told i could get well paying jobs. I wont bother you with what i wore because if i do, you will just pity my life by the time you finish this gistory or storygist, anyhow you like it. I heard that a popular shopping mall will be opening its largest mall in West Africa right here in Ibadan city. So i decided to go there first before i started my job-hunting. But when i got there, the amount of money being spent by kids was oppressing. Imagine an 18-year old girl buying things worth 50 thousand Naira, and me, a whole 28-year old could only afford toothpaste - 120 Naira ONLY. Like seriously, i was so depressed and oppressed that i rushed out to pursue my original goal - job seeking. ... Armed with my CV, I started scanning a street in Dugbe where we have plenty banks. In fact, i was trekking in front of the Ibadan branch of the Central Bank of Nigeria when this event happened. As i was going towards the gate to the CBN, I saw this perfect and delicious-looking girl. Her backside was not from this world. Her boobs were like watermelons. And her skin was like fresh ripe banana. Shd passed the other side of the road going towards where i was coming from. I kept looking, i kept walking, and i kept imagining what it would be like to hold her in my arms. What it would be like to SLAP her proud buttocks. I had reached the CBNs gate but i didnt know. I was made to stop by the stern looking policemen by the gate, i had stopped but all those was only happening to my twin. I did not even notice. ... From somewhere, it was as if an angel i couldnt see was talking to me. Yes, how may we help you? I didnt reply. My face was still turned backwards. Excuse me sir. Loitering around the premises of CBN is not allowed. How may we help you? another policeman armed with a rifle asked me. This time, i turned to face them but i guess my mind did not turn with my face because my reply was Ehm, sir. I wish to apply for some slaps. Hahahaha. Sir, there are no slaps here., he replied. Yes sir. I know that there are no jobs. All i need is a chance sir. I really need a slap. the faraway me replied. I guess that girl that passed by me earlier must have been a demonic girl. ... Just then, i realized that i had been standing, that i had been talking. Then somehow, my brain got to know that i had been using slaps instead of job. As i opened my mouth to apologize, one of the policeman gave me a life-changing slap. Everywhere became dark. I started seeing stars going round my head, making a whiiiiin sound. As i opened my eyes i also opened my mouth to protest. Another policeman gave me another slap. In fact, that slap is a destiny-changing slap. My body turned 180 degrees, my CV fell on the ground, as i was turning again, the third slap that landed on my face turned me into a man with automatic transmission. I just started running. I dont know what was driving me, i didnt know my destination. I was just going. ... I opened my eyes at a shop. People were pouring water on me. I got up, i could taste blood in my mouth. I thanked the people and started to leave. Somebody mentioned that i may be a psychiatric patient who just escaped. ... I landed in a traditional medicine home with strong ropes tying me. I saw the herbalist holding a long whip with some other lunatics crying in pain. As i was able to twist my arms out of the rope (thanks to my flexible body), i dont know where the energy came from, i jumped from the midst of the men, jumped through the gate (actually, it may be over the gate, i dont know). I started running, the rest of the rope still around me. The men gave me a hot chase. Dear readers, you should see the way i was jumping over cars, over bikes, running through markets. You may just think of me as Jet Li. ... Now i know that some ladies are meant to be trouble. ... My cheeks are still hot. My clothes are still wet. ... Tomorrow is another day BUT did you help me see my CV?
Posted on: Mon, 23 Jun 2014 08:22:12 +0000
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