Ten Rules For A Better Relationship 1=Face the facts. To start, couples have to accept their situation for what it is. She makes more. And because she does, risks of burnout, infidelity, and divorce are much higher than with a traditional relationship where the man is the breadwinner. To deal with the very real psychological costs, each couple must recognize the trade-offs they’re making to maintain this dynamic. 2=Rewrite the fairy tale. Torabi says that it used to be that girls grew up “dreaming of marrying a Prince Charming who could provide for them and their children.” To be happy in the modern world, women (and men) must dream of something different. As they date and marry, they have to change their expectations, and look for new ways to achieve an effective partnership. 3=Level the financial playing field. Like me, Torabi believes money management is more an emotional issue than a logical one. It’s important to establish a family financial structure that’s appropriate for your situation, one that’s fair and equitable to both partners. For some, that means joint finances. For others, that means separate finances. Financial chores should be divvied up based on each partner’s strengths. 4=Hack the hypotheticals. To make better long- term financial decisions, Torabi says women must consider a series of “what if?” questions. Plan in advance to deal with the unexpected. Consider a prenup (or postnup) agreement. Prepare for the future, including retirement and elder care for your parents. 5=Cater to the male brain. Once you’ve leveled the financial playing field in the relationship, you need to level the emotional playing field. Don’t ignore or trivialize the psychological impact that occurs when men aren’t able to act as “providers.” Both partners should be open and honest about their feelings so that neither becomes resentful. 6=Buy yourself a wife. Like it or not, women do most of the household chores — even when they’re the primary breadwinners. This can quickly lead to resentment. Torabi suggests a couple of ways of dealing with this. First, the breadwinning woman can change her expectations. If that’s not enough, establish clear roles for each partner. But often the best solution is to hire a housekeeper. 7=Break the glass ceiling (but carry a shield). While women balance the needs of their relationships, they mustn’t neglect their careers. “If you’re a woman making the majority of the family income, you need to create your own ‘insurance policy’,” Torabi writes. Acknowledge and embrace the double standards. Be careful to avoid burnout. Learn to compartmentaliz e the different aspects of your life. 8=Plan parenthood. Kids change everything. Most people realize this, of course, but many people fail to plan sufficiently for the challenges of children. Again, both partners should negotiate roles appropriate to their skill sets. And both partners need to be flexible and willing to compromise as you make it all work. 9=Grow a thicker skin. Everyone has an opinion — and many folks will criticize you for choosing a non- traditional role. Ignore everyone. Do what works for you and your relationship. If you need to, prepare script responses to common questions. Lend each other support during especially turbulent times (such as criticism from family members). 10=Remember to breathe. Finally, remember that your ultimate goal is happiness . Do what you need to obtain it. Get help when you need help. Don’t let the haters get you down. Do what’s best for your relationship.
Posted on: Thu, 18 Dec 2014 06:08:25 +0000
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