This morning, I asked Sam The Unbeliever, “Where are my socks?” Now, those of you who (at least think you) know me well will know that my general manner of oral communication can be described, accurately, as literal (definition: being in accordance with, conforming to, or upholding the exact or primary meaning of a word or words. In other words (ha!), saying exactly what I mean). At times, my literalism has offended people and led them to call me pedantic (definition: characterized by a narrow, often ostentatious concern for book learning and formal rules). (Ostentatious – definition: characterized by or given to ostentation; characterized by pretentious, showy, or vulgar displays in an attempt to impress others.) So, by a trail of undeniable logic, saying what I mean can get turned into me being pretentious, showy or vulgar because I have a need to impress others. Given Sam The Unbeliever’s answer to the question “Where are my socks?” was “What do you mean?” (yep, seriously), I fully believe that either: (i) I am not being literal enough and, therefore, not trying hard enough to impress people or (ii) The psychotic rabbit in my head fooled me into thinking I was speaking relatively straightforward English when, in reality, I was talking Clanger or (iii) I am the most omnipotent being that has ever existed and, simply by the power of my superior mind, I’ve conditioned everybody to question everything I say (because of my need to impress them) or (iv) “Where are my socks?” genuinely means something other than “Where are my socks?” The over-riding conclusion I can draw from this is that I need to choose my words more carefully next time (ironic, huh?), thus fostering my literalism, leading to a heightened perception of vulgarity and, by association, increased upset for those to whom I speak. Socks – man, they’ve got a lot to answer for.
Posted on: Fri, 02 Aug 2013 10:59:28 +0000
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