When you called me at work and said that you had moved out, I couldnt believe it. Even now, after almost two months, its still hard to accept the fact that youre really gone. When you left, I was upset that you would just leave that way, without even telling me good-bye in person. I was angry and hurt. And thats why I havent gotten in touch with you sooner. Its definitely not that I havent missed you--believe me, I have. Over the last few weeks Ive taken some time to evaluate our relationship, and I now feel like I understand why you felt that you had to leave me the way you did. I hadnt been giving you enough of my time--or rather, I hadnt been giving enough time to us. I know that I kept promising to cut back my hours at the hospital, and I really meant to. Youve said that you didnt feel like you were in a relationship at times, and I dont blame you. If you hadnt shocked me into action by ending our relationship, I probably would have just kept going as I had been for the last couple of years. The ER room had become my life; I felt like I was literally on call all the time. Add to that my volunteer work in the pediatric ward, I might as well have taken up residence at St. Johns. I know now, even more than before, that as much as I love my work at the hospital, you are far more important to me than my profession. I talked to our director and told her that I couldnt put in anymore overtime, and so she agreed cut back my hours to three twelve-hour shifts each week. I also told the head nurse in the pediatric ward that I would only be coming in to volunteer two hours a week from now on. If you meant what you said about loving me and not wanting things to end, then I hope youll give us another chance. You mean the world to me, and I promise Ill prove it to you this time. Ive learned my lesson, and I wont ever take you for granted again. You deserve the best that I can give, and thats what youre going to get. I love you so much. Im sorry if I havent always manifested that love as I should have. If youre willing to start over, though, Ill make it up to you. Ill begin by making your favorite food for dinner--beef enchiladas with all the trimmings--and your choice of dessert. Give me a call if youre interested and we can get together this weekend. I wish I could turn back the clock. I wish I could turn back a lot of things. Sixteen days ago, when you walked out the door, I felt that time stood still. Was it possible? Why hadnt I seen it coming? Since then, I find myself glancing at the door with the faint hope that youll be walking through it. I sit in silence, straining for echoes of you resounding from the walls, but the silence is deafening. And I know why you left. Its my temper. Ive always struggled to tame it, but mostly Ive failed. When it has boiled, youve often been in its path and taken the brunt of its cruelty, which has made me realize that I cant harness it alone. Your leaving has helped me to make a hard decision--I need some professional help. I want you to know that Ive made an appointment with a counselor and that I start on Monday. I realize that my delay (or denial) has put my most precious relationship in jeopardy--you. My promise to you is that I will continue in counseling until I become master of my emotions. Ill do whatever it takes to change my life and save our marriage. You have always been patient with me. You have stood by me when you were hurt and frustrated. You have given me hundreds of second chances. Can you find it within yourself to give me one more? Facing the difficulty of change, I need you more than ever. I know that you have had to be the strong one, and I know that I am asking you to be the strong one for a little longer, but I promise that I will work hard so that I am pulling my equal weight in the relationship. I know I can make this right if youll help me. I know this will be the fight of my life, but I am committed to the process no matter how long or how hard it may be. I love you--although I admit that my actions have not always communicated that. Nevertheless, I love you with all my heart. I miss you so badly. Please believe me when I say that my weaknesses do not define my love. I want you and no other woman. Please give me another chance to prove it. Would you agree to see me again? Weve had a lot of good memories at Maries Restaurant. Without seeming presumptuous, but with the hope that you would say yes, I made tentative reservations for this Saturday night at eight oclock. I dont want to make you feel uncomfortable. I just wondered if we could have an enjoyable evening in that beautiful setting while I try to verbalize my heartfelt apology and discuss my plans for counseling. I need you and love you. Please come! Missing you!
Posted on: Sun, 17 Nov 2013 14:24:57 +0000
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