Wounded Hearts It has been a little over four months since I last walked the streets near where the Ateneo de San Pablo used to be and yet the memory of that visit continues to linger in my head. I can almost retrace with ease each and every one of those steps I took and as I now slowly paint that picture of the Ateneo in my mind, some questions that I thought to have long been buried inevitably come calling from the past. They are the ghosts rising from the graveyard of my memories, demanding that I pause at this moment to ponder for their answers. For even after all these many years, I still fail to understand how, in good conscience some 47 years ago, a newly-installed bishop in our newly-created diocese could have found a cause to extinguish the life of the Ateneo de San Pablo, an institution where the nourishment of the spirit had always been inseparable from its mission of developing the minds and bodies of men so that they could better serve God and their fellow human beings. Was not service to God and other men also the bishop’s goal when he first entered the priesthood? How could he have shelved into the dustbin of history this one academic institution where a student’s honest dissent was never construed as an act of defiance or disloyalty or disobedience but rather as a crucial element of freedom of expression and learning? Did not the second Vatican Council in which the bishop had participated give assurance that the voice of honest dissent would finally be heard in the Church of God? How cruel were the hands that delivered the death blow to this one institution that had given life and meaning to our hopes so that we could pursue and nurture our dreams? How could he have contemplated the destruction of that precious part of our youthful past and leave in its wake not only countless questions about his motives but a wasteland of unpleasant memories of his selfish act? Had the bishop not had any hopes in his youth that had helped fashion the fulfillment of his dreams? I have for years longed to hear the answers to these questions but somehow I have always known that none will ever be forthcoming. Thus, I must now continue to wonder how he, as a bishop and a man of the cloth, could have conceived an idea that would eventually cause other men of the cloth - the Jesuits – to leave San Pablo City, the one community that the Jesuits had chosen from among many to build their school and which they had sworn to protect and serve and had, in fact, helped raise from the ashes of the Second World War. Was there not enough continuing need in our community for the Jesuits to carry on the work that they had begun and were there no other needs in the diocese for which the bishop could have made room for the Jesuits to contribute? If Monsignor Olalia, the then Bishop of the Diocese of Lipa to which San Pablo City was a part of, had found the means and the will to work and co-exist peacefully and well with the members of the Jesuit Society, why then could the new bishop of the San Pablo Diocese not have done the same? And could he not have known at the time that he came to lead our diocese that the Jesuits had been a part of San Pablo City far longer than he had been a priest and archbishop? Was not the bishop of our diocese sworn to serve the same God and people to whom the Jesuits had always unselfishly committed themselves totally? While people elsewhere worked hard to bring the Jesuits and their Ateneo brand of education into their communities, the honest expression of good will and intent by the people of San Pablo City to keep the Jesuits and the Ateneo de San Pablo in their community - a clear manifestation of their right under the spirit of democracy – was denied. Was it because the bishop believed that there could be no room for democracy in his theocracy? Or was it because he firmly believed that his parochial way of education was far superior and a better alternative to the Jesuits’ philosophy of teaching through its established tradition of cura personalis? So many questions for which, tragically, there never will be answers. The basic tenet of our faith rests on atonement and forgiveness, on compassion and reparation. And so, one is inclined to believe that if indeed some wounds, though their cuts have been deep, can be healed; if some sins, no matter how grievous, can find forgiveness; if some mistakes, no matter how frivolous or devastating, can be mended and be set right - can one also believe that our diocese can also find its way to undo its mistakes of the past and bring the Ateneo de San Pablo back to life? Indeed it can but then, most surely, it will not. Sadly at this time, reality dictates that the thought of the Ateneo de San Pablo rising the way the Phoenix did from its ashes is but a wish whispered vainly into the winds only to be heard no more. So if, tomorrow, circumstances should kindly look upon us and allow us to visit what was once the Ateneo de San Pablo, let us walk through its gates with dignity, tread upon its hallways softly and walk across its fields with deep abiding respect, knowing that with every step we take, beneath our feet are the hallowed grounds of our youth and the burial site of our lost memories when, under the watchful eyes of our Jesuit mentors, we studied, we prayed and we played even as we were warmed by the bright light of the midday sun, cradled by the winds and sought shelter in the shades of the towering acacia trees. Through all those years of its existence, the Ateneo de San Pablo had always been a wellspring of dignity and pride for all of us who had the good fortune to have been called to share in its mission of restoring all things to Christ for the greater glory of God. And while the passing of this institution had inflicted on our hearts some wounds that have been deep and slow to heal, it has not, even for a second, constrained us to abandon our hopes to be Men for Others. The Ateneo de San Pablo may be gone but its spirit will always live one. In the end, as Ateneans, no one can prevent us from meeting our appointed task and nothing can deter us from wearing our wounded hearts with dignity and pride.
Posted on: Sun, 29 Sep 2013 19:39:46 +0000