you are a naija lady reading this, you are probably dating a naija guy. Or hoping to date one. Or even worse, you are married to one. And there are those times when you change the channel to something you really like but it makes your man hiss /walk out of the room/break a glass table. Well, here are five things Naija guys generally hate watching. 1) Telemundo : Everyone knows ladies love all those soppy romantic soap operas from Mexico or the Philippines where you hear English their lips are not speaking. And when DSTV decided to introduce it as a full channel on their premium bouquet,it seemed like our ladies had died and gone to heaven. Not so for guys who were once content with giving up an hour each day to their girlfriends/wives to watch Diego and Paloma kiss and make up for the, like, one billionth time in one season now having it all up in their business for twenty four whole hours. A friend of mine who works at multi-choice once told me that a man once called in their customer service to find out if there was a way to remove Telemundo from even showing up on his channel list. Ladies, if you don’t want your man to decide to buy Go-TV or Startimes instead, you might want to cut down on all that Telemundo watching. 2) Reality TV: Now, don’t get me wrong, Naija guys do watch some reality TV shows. Just not the type you find on Style Channel, TLC and the rest. Like Jerseylicious (which has to be the most pointless thing I have had to endure on TV thanks to my sister. I mean, every episode is about those two skanky girls bi.t.ching at each other. What’s with that?). We naija guys find most reality TV shows pointless. I mean, why should I watch someone live their life when I have my own life to keep an eye on. And even worse is that some naija ladies pick up some completely ridiculous ideas from these shows. So Ice bought a diamond ring for Coco – ehen? Did you ask me how much I am making and how much he is making? And don’t even think I will pour chocolate on your hairy legs and lick it off because one skanky Khardashian says it’s the most romantic thing on the planet. And while we are on that point; 3) Khardashians; Sure, we naija guys do not like a lot of reality TV shows. But we reserve special dislike for the annoyingly unending family drama led by one talentless being in any of the twelve billion Khardashian family shows (some ladies were expecting to see “Kim And Darey Take Lagos”. Darey is not a Khardashian, ladies and we are thankful that didn’t happen). I mean, one just wonders what naija girls love about one TV show where half the time the women are weeping enough tears to sink Noah’s Ark and there are only three men with only one of them tapping any Bottom. I had to put my foot down on this one when my sister started watching it. If Kim wants to weep about how black Kanye is, that’s fine but I would rather not have to watch her do it. So ladies, spare your man the torture, ehn? 4) Nollywood: No, not all naija guys hate watching Nollywood movies. But just check the ratio of men that watch Nollywood movies to the ladies. Way more ladies watch Nollywood, right? Voila. Here’s the thing; guys generally love fast paced action, even in movies. But the closest Nollywood comes to fast paced action is Hanks Anuku growling in that Swahili accent of his that’s supposed to be American while lugging a gun that’s clearly made of plastic. I mean, who wants to watch that when Tom Cruise, Jason Statham, Johnny Depp, Matt Damon and their likes can keep you at the edge of your seat. Another problem is that an inordinate number of Nollywood movies are romance. Even when the movie is about getting rid of an ancestral curse in a village, they still manage to rope Chika Ike making googley eyes at Mike Ezuruonye. And we just can’t chill with that. 5) Singing Contests ; Except he is gay or one of the few exceptions to the rule, naija guys generally don’t have the patience for all these Nigerian Idol, project fame and the rest of the singing contests we see on TV. Once Gulder’s Ultimate search is done, that’s it for most naija guys’ TV contest slot for the year, till the following year. I mean, some ladies can remember every contestant on these singing shows for years. And when another season starts, she goes – “oh, this guy sings just like Sam from season two!”. And you are confused because you don’t know who Sam from season two is. And, quite frankly, you don’t care. Mainly because a Champions league match is going down, but you can’t watch it because your lady is cooing at some other guy singing on TV. And you desperately begin to hope the guy is gay.
Posted on: Sat, 22 Mar 2014 23:18:50 +0000
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