- From what I can gather, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is a kind of catch all term for inexplicable and constant exhaustion. Ive had blood tests but so far nothing has revealed itself as being a cause. Ive had depression all my life but never this level of exhaustion - walking my dog is currently enough to drain me almost to the point of collapse. I find it hard to think that depression has been the trigger. But I guess its equally hard to think that the two are unrelated. Looking back I can see that I first started to develop CFS last summer but it really took root over the festive holidays last year. 2014 has in many ways been the toughest of my life. My depression has escalated to a daily battle as despair and overwhelming mania engulf me. Its genuinely terrifying at times - a sense of being totally vulnerable and not wanting to be around anymore. But as bad as that is, I almost think the exhaustion is worse. Its robbed me of my athleticism, my dynamism and my physique - things that are fundamental to my identity. For the first time in my life, I feel aged. Like theres a relentless decay thats taken hold. This is probably why Ive isolated myself as my limited reserves of energy are needed for business and trying to look after myself. Once thats done theres really nothing left. I look at my reflection and an imposter stares back. A bloated, haggard shell. Who is that guy? Nobody that I know or identify with, I know that much. Ive had enough. I can not live another day feeling so powerless. Ive come to terms with the fact that it will probably take me a year if not two to get my health back. Im at peace with that and have engineered the patience and equanimity that this journey demands. Like Tigger, Im not me if Im not bouncing. I need my bounce back. This panda will tumble again.
Posted on: Mon, 24 Nov 2014 21:44:45 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015