1. A fat man walked in to a clothing store on 13th Ave and asked what do you have for a man my size ? the salesman said rachmunis ! 2. In 20-30 years, the hardest things our kids will have to do will be finding a user name that hasnt already been taken.... 3. Teacher: What are people of Turkey called? Student: i dont know. Teacher: They are called Turks. Now What are people of Germany called? Student: Germs... 4. Wife: I have a headache! Husband: Sad, Because I wanted to take you to the mall 2day. Wife: I was just kidding.. Husband: Me too 5. I bet the best place to hide a dead body is on page 2 of Googles search results.. 6. Why is it that one stupid match can start a wildfire and it takes a whole box to start a camp fire? 7. Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs taking out? 8. Now-days, Avrohom wouldnt have been accepted in a Yeshiva because he is a son of Terach, but Yishmoel would, cause he is Avrohoms son... 9. Walking down the street, I saw 6 men attacking my shvigger. My wife asked me, wont you go help ? I said, nah, 6 is enough. 10. TOP 5 Lies People say 1 Im fine 2 Ill call you back 3 Im on my way 4 I never Got your text 5 I am looking for parking 11. Kid asking mother: what d u say when the guest comes? Mom: Burich Habu. Kid: & what d u say when he doesnt come? Mom: Burich Hashem 12. Someone came collecting for an old age home, I donated my grandmother... 13. The only thing men clean at their home is the browser history.... 14. Kinder Shpiel is coming out with silly bands with shapes of Rebbes its going to be called Silly Rebbes... 15. Funniest Contradicting Words 1. Clearly misunderstood 2. Small crowd 3. Act naturally 4. Found missing 5. Fully empty 6. Happily married 16. A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny. The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different.... again. Little Johnny said, Because Im not an Obama fan. The teacher asked, Why arent you a fan of Obama? Johnny said, Because Im a Republican. The teacher asked him why hes a Republican. Little Johnny answered, Well, my Moms a Republican and my Dads a Republican, so Im a Republican. Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, If your mom were a moron and your dad were an idiot, what would that make you? With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, That would make me an Obama fan 18. Nobodys perfect, Im Nobody 19. A Chasid came onto a bus with his 10 kids. Driver asks: Why didnt you leave half of them home? Chasid: I did! 20. Bumped into an old friend today and he wasnt a bit happy about it. We were both driving our cars at the time.... 25. Im in shape. Round is a shape. A Great Irish Text Message Paddy texts his wife...Mary, Im just having one more pint with the lads. If Im not home in 20 minutes, read this message again.
Posted on: Fri, 26 Dec 2014 16:20:53 +0000
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