1. APPLE Physics Teacher: “Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn’t that wonderful?” Student: “Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn’t have discovered anything.” 2. DARKNESS Two factory workers talking: Woman: “I can make the boss give me the day off.” Man: “And how would you do that?” Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. Boss comes in: “What are you doing?” Woman: “I’m a light bulb.” Boss: “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.” The man starts to follow her and the boss says: “Where are you going?” The man says: “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.” 3. PENNY A man talking to God: The man: “God, how long is a million years?” God: “To me, it’s about a minute.” The man: “God, how much is a million dollars?” God: “To me it’s a penny.” The man: “God, may I have a penny?” God: “Wait a minute.” 4. HOME WORK A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.” The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?” The little girl replied, “My homework.” 5. MAP READING The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?” After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.” 6. DO YOU KNOW? “Isn’t the principal a dummy!” – said a boy to a girl. “Well, do you know who I am?” – asked the girl. “No.” – replied the boy. “I’m the principal’s daughter.” – said the girl. “And do you know who I am?” – asked the boy. “No.” – she replied. “Thank goodness!” – said the boy with a sign of relief. 7. I NEVER SAID Teacher asked George: “How can you prove the earth is round?” George replied: “I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.” 8. HEART ATTACK Teacher: “Here is a math problem. If your dad earned $300 dollars a week and he gave your mother half, what should he have?” Student: “A heart attack.” 9. YOU DON’T KNOW Teacher: “If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?” Vincent: “One dollar.” Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.” Vincent: “You don’t know my father.” 10 WRITING IN DARK Sylvia: “Dad, can you write in the dark?” Dad: “I think so. What do you want me to write?” Sylvia: “Your name on this report card.” 11. ABSENCE Mother: “Why did you get such a low mark on that test?” Junior: “Because of absence.” Mother: “You mean you were absent on the day of the test?” Junior: “No, but the kid who sits next to me was.” 12. AXE Teacher: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?” Louie: “Because George still had the axe in his hand.”
Posted on: Tue, 29 Oct 2013 14:40:12 +0000
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