1.Hey morning, sorry but this just isn’t working for me. 2.I had a smoothie for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and then came home and ate the entire kitchen for dinner. 3.Nothing is truly lost until your mom can’t find it. 4.There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away. 5.I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients. 6.Money talks…but all mine ever says is good-bye. 7.Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil. 8.I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. 9.I work hard so future me can chill the f*ck out. 10.Even I don’t take my relationship advice. 11.Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk. 12.Not feeling too good so I went to WebMD and entered my symptoms. I’ve been dead for 20 years. 13.I don’t mean to brag but I have more food in my body than in my refrigerator. 14.Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza. 15.When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry. 16.That was funny. But I don’t like you. Therefore I shall not laugh. 17.One of the great things about the internet is spending your time reading about something, and then the next day reading about how it’s fake. 18.A yawn is a silent scream for coffee! 19.If I don’t get enough sleep, I’m tired. If I get too much, I’m tired. And even if I get the right amount, I still need three pots of coffee. 20.Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
Posted on: Tue, 30 Sep 2014 15:56:40 +0000
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