1. I hate Russian dolls, theyre so full of themselves. 2. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. 3. My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant. 4. Dont let an extra chromosome get you down. 5. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. I didnt want to interrupt her. 6. People used to laugh at me when I would say I want to be a comedian, well nobodys laughing now. 7. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. 8. Throwing acid is wrong, in some peoples eyes. 9. My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met. 10. I havent slept for three days, because that would be too long. 11. The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself This changes everything. 12. My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the local zoo. 13. Say what you want about deaf people... 14. Ive spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriends killer, but no one will do it. 15. I saw a sign that said watch for children and I thought, That sounds like a fair trade. 16. I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there. 17. I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust. 18. People say Im condescending. That means i talk down to people. 19. You can never lose a homing pigeon - if your homing pigeon doesnt come back, what youve lost is a pigeon. 20. Whiteboards are remarkable. 21. I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Posted on: Sat, 03 Jan 2015 21:24:19 +0000
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