1. NEVER ASSUME THAT A STANDARD NORTHERN ACCENT WILL CUT IT Ive had friends who have been to the top drama schools in the country, and their voice teachers have actually told them that if they were to portray a character from Nottingham, theyre screwed, as its the hardest British accent to pull off. Their instructions: do Standard Northern. Sorry, but thats like saying; If youre ever playing Othello, do Jim Davidsons Chalky accent, because that will be very authentic and it wont offend anyone at all. Listen; we’re not North, and we’re not South. We’re Midlands. And East Midlands, at that. Attempting Standard Northern accent - whatever that is -will get you nowhere, because the Notts dialect is far too subtle for that. Attempt to wing it, and you’ll look a right bell-end. 2. DON’T BOTHER TRYING TO LEARN IT OFF THE TELLY Fact: 99% of all ‘Nottingham’ accents on programmes and films are ludicrously off-base. Albert Finney tried to busk his way through Saturday Night and Sunday Morning with a Manc accent. That little get off EastEnders was eternally stuck in Yorkshire during the entire run of A Thing Called Love. Kevin Costner was literally laughed out of the Odeon during the UK premiere of Prince of Thieves. 3. REPLACE WORDS THAT END IN ‘Y’ AND ‘IE’ WITH ‘EH’ If you do nothing else, do this. All the time. It’s the absolute fulcrum of the Notts accent. You know the way every pop star since 1955 has sung the word Baby? Thats how we say it. For example; if youre a student, you never go to Rock City to watch a button-faced ponce drag out the fifteenth minute of his undeserved fame; you go to Rock Citeh to see Pete Docherteh. Your best mate is not called Julie; she’s Juleh. You’re not studying at a place of Higher Learning; you’re at Uneh. Quite possibly doing a Joint Honours in Istreh and Sociologeh. Maybe living in Strelleh. Doing a part-time job in Ockleh to make some extra munneh so you can afford a season ticket at Notts Caanteh. 4. LEARN THE NOTTINGHAM VERSION OF THE RAIN IN SPAIN FALLS MAINLY ON THE PLAIN Whose that bloke who sang Gold? And To Cut A Long Story Short? Yknow, him who was on Reborn In The USA who wasnt the bloke off Go West? It wasToneh Adleh Aht Ter Spandaah Balleh. Repeat that, in the mirror, at least five times before going out in the morning.
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 06:20:18 +0000
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