1. Why is it that doctors and lawyers call what they do practice? It is a mathematical fact that fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class. 2. Why is it great to be a woman? You never have more hair in your nose than on your head! 5 STAR Funny Question & Answer! 3. Why do they call it a T.V. SET when you only get one? They know your husband is on his way to buy another! 5 STAR Funny Question & Answer! 4. Why is it that when you blow in a dogs face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out of the window? The dog thinks you have bad breath! 5. Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke? After the burger & chips they go straight back on their diet! 6. Why cant a woman put mascara on with her mouth closed? Woman cant do many things with their mouths closed! / Its a common misperception among woman that their mouths must open wider when their eyes open wider! 7. Why do we leave expensive cars in the driveway and useless junk in the garage? If Insurance companies covered my useless junk it would be outside too! 8. Why are there so many players if love is not a game? Ask Tiger Woods not me! 9. If we count sheep to fall asleep, what do they count? A Shepherd 10. Why do they call the brand Victorias SECRET if the whole world knows everything about her down to her underwear? I think the secret is shes a man! 11. Why dont you ever see the headline Psychic Wins Lottery if they always know what all the lucky numbers are? Maybe they cant put 2 and 2 together to see for which lottery the numbers are! 12. Why is it that when youre driving and looking for an address, you turn the volume of the radio down? To hear the cars behind you brake! 5 STAR Funny Question & Answer! 13. Why do they make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get a prescription but the healthy people buy cigarettes at the front of the store? Its simple, sick people dont smoke and smokers dont complain - sick complaining people are not good for business so they put them at the back! 14. Why do banks leave vault doors open and chain the pens to the counter? Cause you cant get an open vault door into your handbag! 15. Why is abbreviated such a long word? Because AB is used to describe 5 other things and ABBREV sounds like an accelerated muscle? 16. Why do they call it the Funny Bone, it sure isnt funny when you get hit on it? Some faces and words that come out of mouths are! 17. Why do they call it Canola if Sunflower oil is from sunflowers, olive oil from olives and linseed oil from linseeds? No one will buy it if it says CANADA OIL! 18. Why do you have to buy Barbie a friend called Ken if she is so popular? Same happened to Paris Hilton, she didnt get her dog for free! 5 STAR Funny Question & Answer 19. Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece? Im going to try it with my veggies! 20. Why do they say CHANGE is INEVITABLE? It must have been before they invented vending machines! 21. Why do they call it a pair of pants, a pair of shoes, and pair of spectacles but a bra is just a bra? Speechless! 22. Why do they call it a free gift, I thought all gifts are free? Not if you are the giver, so the giver got if for free! 23. Why do they say flattery wont get you anywhere? Cause bribery works better! 24. What is a divorce? A sign that 2 people cant agree what to fight about! 25. How do you interpret On the other hand? You also have 5 fingers! 26. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream and yogurt? For the same reason 50 year olds have passed their sell by date - its when they get sourder! 27. Why do they report power outages on T.V.? So that people dont know about it! 28. Why dont sheep shrink when it rains? Theyre too stupid they wont know which way to shrink. 29. Why do they call it a CIVIL War? Maybe they are cannibals! 30. Why do they call them HUMANITARIANS, what do they eat if VEGATARIANS eat vegetables? Human is. 31. Why do children do things that they know will get them into trouble? Forgiveness is easier to get than permission! 32. Why do you always have to keep up with the Joneses? Forget the Joneses ... I cant keep up with the SIMPSONS! 33. Why are you so cross with your mom today? She told me Im gullible ... and I believed her! 34. Why are people so concerned about the pace of life? They should be more concerned about the sudden stop of it! 35. Why dont you read your Bible? The people who wrote it believed the earth was flat! 36. Why shouldnt we take life seriously? Nobody gets out alive anyway. 37. Why is it great to be a man? You dont have to shave below your neck! 38. What happens if you get scared half-to-death twice in a row? You are dead scared! 39. What was the best thing before sliced bread? Sliced! 40. What is a THESAURUS? The-Saurus - extinct thes! 41. What do you do when you find an endangered animal that eats endangered plants? You feel glad youre not it! 42. What is TODAY? The tomorrow you worried about yesterday! 43. What is Moral Indignation? Jealousy with a Halo! 44. What is the 1st rule to obey when you have children? Never lift your hands to your kids; it leaves your groin unprotected! 45. What do you do when your computer says Bad command or file name? I go stand in the corner. 5 STAR Funny Question & Answer! 46. What is the secret of success? Sincerity ... once you can fake it you can make it! 47. What is the hardest part of a Swedish blonds life? It isnt easy being easy and stupid at the same time! 48. What does your mom do for a living? Shes a travel agent for GUILT TRIPS! 5 STAR Funny Question & Answer! 49. What do they mean with the ups and downs of life? Sometimes you are the bird and sometimes you are the windshield! 50. What makes marriage such a great institution? Who wants to live in an institution after all? 51. What are the biggest age problems between men and women? Few women admit theirs and few men act theirs! 52. What is the difference between a rut and the grave? The depth! 53. What is better than the FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH? The Fountain of SMART! 54. What do you do when youve used up all your sick leave? You call in dead! 5 STAR Funny Question & Answer!! 55. What is the meaning of coincidence? 24 Hours in a day, 24 beers in a case! 56. What is colic? A birth control reminder for new parents! 57. How do you have a marriage that is different? Divorce has become so common that my wife and I decided to stay married just to be different! 58. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? By miracle! 59. How do you know that someone is not waving at you? You only see one finger! (Index Finger!) 60. How can you draw a blank? Ask my bank manager! 61. How much do you exercise? If it wasnt for muscle spasms, I wouldnt get any exercise at all! 62. How do you keep other vehicles away from handicapped parking bays? You put up a sign that says: STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP! Park somewhere ELSE! 63. How do you know when your mom is really peeved? She says: THIS definitely takes, eats and poops the cake! 64. How do you let your wife know that she is putting on too much weight? You give her a certificate with the title NUTRITIONAL OVERACHIEVER! 65. How do you know that youll never quit smoking? When you tried switching to gum but couldnt keep it lit! 66. How do you keep a clear conscience? Dont bother a clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory! 67. How do you know that your finances are stable? When you start out with nothing and still have most of it after a few years! 68. How do you know that MONEY TALKS? You hear it shout GOODBYE all the time! 69. How do you know you live in the real world? You get evicted now and again! 70. How do you know you cant drown your sorrows? I found out they could swim! 71. How do you really keep up with the Joneses? You drag them down to your level its cheaper! 5 STAR Funny Question & Answer! 72. How do you know your husband despise you? When he suggests popping bubble wrap because its cheap instead of going for therapy because its too expensive! 73. How do you know that you need personal growth in your life? You suddenly realize that Viagra is not a personal growth path! 5 STAR Funny Question & Answer! 74. How do you know that not all men are annoying? Some are dead! 75. How do you make something idiot proof? You dont someone will just make a better idiot! 5 STAR Funny Question & Answer! 76. How do you know all men are idiots? I married their king! 77. How do you know that two idiots were sitting on the floor? The one fell off! 78. How do you know if you are mentally ill? One in 4 people are. Check 3 friends; if they are ok, youre it! 79. How do you know when a woman lacks ambition? She seeks to be equal to men! 80. How do you know that you are a real woman? I dont get hot flashes, I get power surges! 81. How do you know if you are a redneck? Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive!
Posted on: Fri, 05 Dec 2014 06:14:06 +0000