1. You save money on haircuts and shampoo. When your hairline is receding, you’ll visit the barber more frequently than you would like to keep that “swiss cheese-like” hairline in check, which is unsurprisingly expensive. In addition to helping out your wallet, you also get the benefit of a) not having to discern that the difference is between 100 nearly identical bottles of shampoo and b) cutting your own hair at home. That electric razor will become the best friend you’ve ever had. 2. You don’t have to do your hair when you wake up in the morning. Girls aren’t the only ones who obsess about getting their hair perfect. Guys primp, too, because it takes a lot of work to look like you’re not trying. When you’re bald, you get to look like you’re not trying naturally. 3. You look older. Being bald gives you a distinguished look, as if you lost all that hair from thinking, or working hard. 4. No weird hairline tanlines in the summer. When you’re bald, your whole head gets to join the tan party. 5. You don’t have to go grey. Although that’s not really so bad. 6. You never have to worry about having a bad hair day. Remember those days of checking yourself in the mirror or looking like crap after a rainstorm? Those dog days are over. Now you get to walk through the rain in style, except that you still have to be wet. 7. You get to put that effort into facial hair. Have you ever noticed that bald dudes have the best beards and mustaches? That’s because bald people get to put their extra time into something else. 8. You have hat sense. Men with hair do not know how to wear hats, but the balding among us have learned the style — mostly out of necessity. Without a wide selection of hats, winters suck when you’re bald. 9. Your eyes look amazing. One of the best things about being bald is that your eyes always instantly stand out. They don’t have competition anymore and there’s nothing to distract from your darling baby blues. However, it does enhance the importance of finding a great pair of glasses. So choose wisely and stay away from the circular styles. They give you egghead. 10. You’re the first to know when it’s raining or snowing. That head of yours is an instant crier of precipitation. Whereas most people have hair to protect them from the first drop, you know right away what’s about to happen and can hide accordingly. It’s not quite a superpower, but it’s pretty close. Thus, bald people are basically superheroes. 11. You’ll never have a ridiculous haircut in old photos. Most people have to look back on themselves twenty or thirty years from now — at whatever versions of photos we will be using in the mid-century — and be vaguely embarrassed about what’s on the top of their head. You’ll never have to apologize for a curly perm, or a mullet. 12. You now take the quickest showers ever. You used to have to spend your precious bathroom time washing your hair and then drying it . 13. You have awesome bald heroes. You have other awesome bald people to admire — from Patrick Stewart to Michael Jordan, from Mr. Clean to Kojak, from Howie Mandell to Dr. Phil. 14. You are the benefactor of “bald code.” It’s a rule of balddom that bald people have to stick together, or the Bald Crusaders will take them out. When you see that other bald guy in line at the grocery, you instantly have solidarity, and you can share the “We Are Family” head nod. Welcome to bald code. You must respect it — or else. We’re watching you. 15. You always stand out.
Posted on: Wed, 08 Oct 2014 00:56:37 +0000
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