10-15-2014 I know not why I am writing this nor who it will affect neither how it will affect them. It has been six long months, that have flashed by, since my Sweetheart got the call she had very anxiously awaited her entire, however short, born again spiritual life, when The One who never did begin to love her, for He always loved her, called her home and sent for her. I fail miserably to show how thrilled my soul is for her through my flood of tears for me and grieve all the more because of my failure to glorify my Lord and proclaim that He is perfect and His way is glorious and as perfect as He is. My flesh would do everything different, in fact, exactly opposite from Gods way. My love for her, Carla, has not gone or diminished in the least. In fact, it has grown like a healthy living tree, much deeper rooted beneath the surface, and stretching to great new heights above the surface assuring me that it was not the end, but the beginning of much better things than we knew before! A number of my dear friends ask me often how I am doing, to which I usually answer immediately, way better than I deserve, because I know this is the truest statement that I can make, though I should probably and more definitely state it by the grace of God, way better than I deserve!. I was told recently that I hide it well, speaking of my grief and pain, and I know my dear brother in Christ spoke the truth to me because even though its not my aim to deceive any but rather to be a cheerful blessing to those I am with for I am instructed to rejoice in the Lord always, by my Lord. I take this command to heart, but mind you, I am writing about my personal relationship with my Lord and am not being critical of anyone, and by Gods amazing grace alone, at times I have genuine joy, especially when assembled with the saints of the Almighty. But on this side of eternity, with true love and joy, grief and pain have come to me also and I thank God for all of them! Because I know that they are necessary and working in me a far greater purpose than I can perceive. I have never been good at goodbyes. Im sure no one is, but I really struggle with them since Carlas home going! After leaving a recent Bible Conference, where I was told that I hide it well, I wept bitterly from Tulsa all the way to Oklahoma City, to the point that I almost had to pull off the road because I couldnt see, after all the love and joy we shared, when it was over, it was almost unbearable grief when we parted, this is one of the reasons I get so stirred up when I sing the words in that great old hymn therell be no more parting over there, because I dont like parting from those that I love! Im such a mess that It takes all the strength that I have to leave my dogs to go to work each day! I have searched my heart, and have found out that these tears that flow so easily from my eyes are not only because of painful goodbyes, but also joyful hellos, if I can put it that way, from my loving Savior. When He shows me that He loves me through it all and in all these things, I cant help but weep and cry out to Him with praise! His love is amazing! I know that Carla is where He is and abounding in the fullness of His Holy Love, not because of who she was or anything she ever did, but because of who He is and what He did! Praise Him! May God be pleased to bless you even with the ramblings of the heart of this poor, saved, sinner.
Posted on: Wed, 15 Oct 2014 05:59:24 +0000
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