10 annoying travelling habits Kenyans should drop in 2015 1. Bush toilets Some Kenyans have tabias that are so 1945. Imagine in the 21st century some buses still pull over near bushes where women scatter to the North and the men South to do their business. They end up overstaying forcing the driver to hoot which is a cue for that walk of shame towards the bus looking all sheepish. While toilet calls are involuntary, it is more civilised to stop at a motel or petrol station instead of spreading ammonia like Homo Pithecus! 2.Breaking wind ovyo ovyo Is related to number 3. Kushuta in a matatu or bus ranks up there as stripping women hadharani. Lifting your broke tooshy and angling it in readiness to release a silencer ends up burning nostrils and makes fellow passengers lose faith in humanity. Kindly restrain yourself. It embarrasses everyone, given everyone is a suspect. 3. Elastoplast to seal your butt The kind of foods you indulge in along the way determines how many times you will request, tafadhali dereva simamisha gari tumbo imeleta shida! Traveling with a toilet friendly stomach is the nearest you can come to hell on earth. So eat less, and good, clean food even when hawkers bombard you with boiled eggs with kachumbari, sweet potatoes and samosas with alien contents. Or else you need a karembeko (Elastoplast) to seal your diab! Some people behave as if they are carrying safari ants, or kunguni in their pants; they probably do. How else would explain the constant fidgeting in the seats and in annoying fashion. Sometimes all it takes is a good scrubbing, and probably fumigation, to get rid of all mifugos including in the nether regions. Oh, and wearing clean ngotha is a nice idea. 5. Space hogs We all know this class of people who sit, their legs sprawled like theyre in their mpango wa kandos sitting room and then proceed to remove their nucleur bomb-laced shoes. Get some class; alternatively, buy your own junk. 6. Hiyo mayai boiro ni pesa ngapi? Then there is that annoying passenger, who whenever the bus stops at any stage, will wrestle you out of your window seat, seeking to buy edibles from hawkers. They will even order the bus to stop so they can buy mutungo (boiled maize). They will then proceed to stuff themselves with food and before you realise, they have splashed your face with vomit as they scramble to open the window. 7. Snoozing and drooling Ever sat next to those sleepers who drool, wetting your shoulder with their slobber and look at you with empathetic eyes when you yank them off? Their loud snores (snorts?) are punctuated by smelly farts, more like the backfire from a troublesome junk. If you are the drooling type just tie a mouth napkin round your mouth! 8. Hebu nibebee mtoto breed Only a deranged misanthrope can be unkind to a woman asking that you help carry their brat, except that the kids diapers have scarcely been changed since she left Mombasa 23 hours earlier on the Kachmega-bound bus. Such mothers should be thrown out of a moving bus.
Posted on: Sat, 03 Jan 2015 15:00:00 +0000
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