10 steps to save the Rupee As the Indian current account deficit, pummels the rupee economists are furiously scratching their heads to come up with a solution. I have taken steps to help the hallowed group and expedite the process a) Cut down on unnecessary imports like those fancy after shaves , perfumes from the duty free shops and conserve cash carefully for the real essential imports like Katrina Kaif. b) Stop buying gold. Gold as you know does not grow on trees , it grows underground in something called a mine…and all gold is mine as the filmstar Ajit had said in so many of his movies ,” Saara sona mera hain”. So essentially you are stealing it from Ajit…and that is a bad thing as so many stunt doubles have discovered it in the 60s and 70s while drowning in vats of liquid oxygen c) Reduce dependence on Oil. Oil is the single largest import of the nation although our government thinks it is large screen TVs. Start cycling to work…if you do not have a cycle , start going double seat as Mumtaz did with Dev Anand pedaling uphill and humming a song in “Tere Mere Sapne”. This was the most probable cause why Dev Anand could not live upto a 100. d) Stop overseas jaunts…just think, do you really need that holiday in Singapore , Dubai ? Why not consider Mallapuram and Bikaspur....Mallapuram is also popularly known as the Paris of the east and Bikaspur infact is called Mallapuram of the north…so why splurge on overseas holiday when you spend the same money on bottled water, mosquito repellents and diarrhea medicine in Mallapuram and Bikaspur e) Start exporting more ..one ideal way to bridge it is really to export goods overseas… these goods could be exactly those Indian goods for which there is strong demand overseas e.g. Paper is a good example. When you are filling up forms in triplicate, and circulating memorandums in quadruplicate and ending sentences in predicates...Why not just file 1 copy and export the rest to a country where there is really strong demand e.g. North Korea where it is one of the basic food groups. f) Welcome tourists…Tourism in India is underdeveloped ..last year , the biggest group of foreigners to enter India was the Chinese army …let’s change that …Let’s have a new mascot which will promote Indian tourism show how India is safe for women…let’s have Asaram Bapu on our “Incredible India” posters …this will have the tourists rushing to India in droves… primarily journalists. g) Use oil substitutes…one good way to reduce oil dependence is to look for substitutes…One primary use of oil or oil derivatives in India, apart from transportation, is for cooking in rural areas. Let us give them an alternate source of heat… we have to think out of the box…I think this would be good opportunity to find some practical use for Digvijay Singh and Arnab Goswami h) Launch more offshoring of services….apart from IT maintenance , we should push for offshoring of other services which are used routinely in the west e.g. announcing armed strikes against other nations, periodically announcing bailouts etc….Why can’t our companies take this over and do all the work in India at 20 % of the cost and have the same benefits ..which are anyway zero. i) Promote Bollywood movies overseas… Bollywood movies are very popular overseas… the biggest fans are Pakistanis and Bangladeshis which explains why the shows always run houseful in Kashmir and Assam. We should launch more movies in overseas markets…if Chennai Express can do 200 crores in India alone, can you imagine how much more can it do in China ? …Hmm , possibly nothing...so we really need to stop brainstorming after four beers j) We should offer our consulting wisdom overseas…since Chetan Bhagat, Arundhati Roy have figured out answers to all the problems in the world, why not monetize it and ask them to bill their services for offering solutions to issues like “How to extend the lifespan of a Tapeworm” to “Whether the Keynesian macroeconomic approach is really in tune with socio economic milieu of Azerbaijan”
Posted on: Tue, 03 Sep 2013 06:24:45 +0000
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