2014 was my craziest year yet. It was full of happiness and heartbreak, art and adventure, loss and love, new friends and new chapters, old friends and origami (not really I just needed an o word). This past year was easily my most challenging yet, but may have simultaneously been the best yet. Im not sure how that works, but somehow it makes sense to me. I will certainly spare you all the minute details of my year. Instead: 14 things I learned in 2014. Today is my January 1st...because, hey, its never too late to start anew and you dont need a holiday to do so. 1. Choose the hard right over the easy wrong. And in that is another truth - doing the right thing for yourself is often hard. It often requires speaking your truth and letting go of what is comfortable and familiar. Adding to that, there is never a good time to choose the hard right. If youre waiting for that easy time, it wont come and youre just back in the cyclical lifestyle of the easy wrong. It isnt meant to be easy. So I suggest choosing that hard right at the very moment you have the inner strength to. Whenever that is, wherever that is. Youll know. Theres never a good time so take the opportunity when it arises. 2. Run toward the pain, not away from it. (The cure for pain is in the pain. - Rumi) It is human nature to run away from what makes us feel bad and run toward what makes us feel good. Thats probably an accurate gage for most things. But when it comes to emotion and feeling the gravity of that which happens to you in your life, I promise that acceptance is the answer. That truly feeling and accepting what is, is the only way to let it go and eventually move on from it. There is no way around feeling the pain you are meant to feel. Because eventually it finds you, even when you run. Even when you run far. 3. Rebound relationships are real. Theyre a thing. Sometimes you dont realize theyre a thing and you convince yourself its the real deal. Thats part of wanting desperately to pick the easy wrong. Even after you just chose the hard right and let someone go. Dont do it. Feel the pain (refer to #2). 4. And on that...its okay to be alone. Id rather be alone than with the wrong person. I will walk away from whatever and whoever doesnt serve me once I realize it no longer does and I will not stay in something just because its there. On that note...you can be friends with your exes. It may be tough for a bit. It may be impossible for a bit. But I do know that this is another thing that is always going to be hard until you feel that pain and just do it. And then it isnt so hard anymore. Maybe friends isnt the correct term...frexes? Ill workshop it. Point is...you dont ever have to make an enemy out of someone you really cared and probably still really care for (unless of course they really do deserve to be entirely out of your life). But dont do so out of fear and avoidance. Theres a way to end things gracefully. And it involves picking the hard right and speaking your full and total truth even when its scary to do so. Not by making excuses and using whatever is convenient as a means of escape. 5. Your parents are human. They are navigating this crazy life just as we are. They will make mistakes. They will disappoint you. They are flawed as is everyone. And sometimes thats a hard reality to take in. But the truth is that we are raised by people whom are still trying to figure out their own shit. And sometimes that shit is passed onto us. Which is why I think it is everyones responsibility to work on themselves first and foremost because we all have things we learned growing up in environments with people who learned their own false realities from other wounded people and so on and so forth. And working on yourself can only make you a better person, friend, colleague, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, parent, etc. Its the most important thing. 6. New chapters are scary. Sometimes you just want to run away and prolong their start. Its like procrastination. But for your entire life. Anyway, running away is never the answer. But it can be nice to play out that thought in your head for a bit. Then hopefully snap back into reality. Hopefully. 7. But...adventures are fun. Doing what you are most afraid of and taking a risk is the ultimate adventure. It never is as scary the second, third, fourth or fifth time. And when you do things you are afraid of more often, I promise they become less terrifying. Still terrifying. But at least you expect the terror. And that somehow makes it better. 8. Know when to say no or let me get back you. Im the ultimate yes-person. Im a big believer in the Yes and... mentality, which is one of the basic rules of improv that basically suggests that instead of negating or belittling a partners suggestion, you say yes and then add to it. I like to do that with life. I like to say yes to trying new things, to going on adventures, to meeting people. Its awesome most of the time and I love experiencing all that life has to offer and dipping my feet into a little bit of everything. Life is never dull this way. That being said, there is a time to say no. And you dont need to offer some intricate explanation for your no. Saying yes all the time can be draining, and overextending yourself just brings every aspect of your life down. It can feel hectic and you can feel out of control. And we all need some downtime to recharge. Since my go to is a yes, sometimes I need to take a step back and make sure I can truly say yes in good faith while considering my other engagements and making sure I can fully commit to that yes in good health and otherwise. You dont have to answer requests immediately. Take some space to digest everything. 9. Go with whatever excites you, when it excites you. The dots can connect themselves later. The beginning of this year was all about acting and auditions and sketch comedy for me. Then I graduated and traveled a bit. Then I went through an intense yoga teacher training. I took a music business class, did some music marketing, and performed improv. Then I wrote a screenplay. The end of this year became totally songwriting and music-centric. How do these all connect? I have no freaking clue. None whatsoever. I can tell you, however, that they all excite me in various ways and that when opportunities come up Im going to roll with them until I no longer want to. I dont care if it doesnt make sense. 10. True success comes when youre truly, deeply passionate about something, even when you feel unprepared in it or for it, because apparently the universe or people or your truest self or whoever/whatever you believe in can tell. I cant tell you why. But I can tell you that it is pretty cool when pieces fall into place, especially when you arent out searching for them and are just living a passionate life. 11. Life isnt a race between others or even between yourself. Time is just an illusion. I dont care what they tell me. Im not getting old. Im just not. 12. Forgiveness is key. And it can be harder than you think. Because it isnt just about saying sorry or accepting someones apology. Sometimes you think you forgive someone when deep down in your heart you just dont. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself. Sometimes you have to forgive someone when they havent asked for your forgiveness and havent provided an apology. And yet you have to find a way to forgive them anyway. Its really the only way. Tell someone (or yourself) you forgive them even when you think they already know that you do. It can be a weight lifted. I suggest letters even if you dont ever give them to the person. Or maybe you do. But regardless, write out every little thing you forgive that person for...even the little things. Then burn it (I just made that part up - you dont have to burn it). But really...forgive yourself too. Forgive yourself for not knowing yesterday what you know today. That may be the hardest part, but the most important. 13. Be the first to apologize. Even when someone doesnt ask for or require an apology. If you realize that maybe you shouldnt have said something or done something and that it wasnt in line with the kind of person you want to be, even if the other person wasnt traditionally hurt and maybe even hurt you as well, apologize anyway. Apologize even when you have a slew of legitimate excuses you could give. They dont matter. If you hurt someones feelings, you hurt someones feelings. Plain and simple. You can apologize for that even if you dont apologize for the rest. But maybe you also understand why they may be upset and if so then apologize for your actions too. Write an apology letter. Sometimes its good to have that out of you and into the ether. (Clearly all about the letter writing over here). 14. You dont have to be perfect to go after what you want. You dont have to be the perfect weight, or have the most perfect skin, or have everything in order to go out and make something happen. Things are never perfect. Its never the very right moment in which youre the most ready. At least not for me. Id be waiting on perfection forever. Id sit in my room waiting on some weird feeling of readiness that would never ever arrive. So have fun and laugh about the blunders. Go out anyway and live to share the stories. I love that quote about life being divided into either really awesome moments or moments that make for great future anecdotes. Seems to be the case. Perfection is boring anyway. Lots of love to everyone who has made a difference in my life this year and perhaps helped teach me a few of these things. And God knows this is just the start. I now know these things (intellectually), but I realize I cant really KNOW anything until I live it frequently and it lives in my body and not just my mind. So I hope I can continue to take these lessons into 2015 with me, where I will also collect more...the growth never stops. xox Kara
Posted on: Fri, 02 Jan 2015 17:45:13 +0000
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